for no real reason.  Well, save that the bloating I’ve been dealing with is finally starting to dissipate, and the PIO shots aren’t anywhere near as bad as I’d thought they would be – mostly because the darling boyfriend is really getting good at giving them.  And because the massive bruising on the back of my hand doesn’t hurt any more, though it still looks pretty dramatic. 

And, as people have reminded me, even though my initial embryos’ quality aren’t superstar material like I’d hoped for, it’s not like they’re not viable.  This could totally work, and until I hear otherwise from my body, or from these hokey internet HPTs I’m already peeing on obsessively, or from my doctor’s blood lab, I think I’ll just think of myself as Pregnant with a capital “P”. 

Why the hell not? 

My poor mother tried to comfort me yesterday by telling me that this would work because I have her genes and all she ever needed to do to get pregnant was to want to.  Um, yeah, that was when she was almost 13 years younger than I am now, and hey!  Newsflash!  Getting pregnant easily – not my problem!  But a couple of friends came through and said the right things – and how they knew just what I needed to hear, I’ll never know, but they did.  Thanks, guys – and Linda, this sprog is going to be honored to wear a chicken-hat just like its Auntie Linda.

And the computer meltdown – ok, financially, this could totally have happened at a better time.  Ie: not the same month as the outrageous car insurance comes due.  Not the same month that the slightly less-outrageous, but still significant medical bills came due, and not a bare week after I went and bought luggage and assorted clothes for our upcoming vacation.  But still, hell, I’m in a financial position for the first time in my life where it was possible, upon first viewing of the blue screen of death, to think of it as an opportunity to upgrade my life and not the end of everything until I could save up enough cash to scrape everything together.  Hell, if I look at it in a positive light, at least I have this ‘back up computer’ I bought last year, and at least I have a hard drive where everything has been semi-recently backed up.  So nothing’s lost except a bit of time and money, and that’s not anywhere near as bad as stuff I’ve lost in other catastrophic crashes.  (First novel, precious, irreplaceable photos, irretrievable emails, etc.) 

So I went downtown to the shiny flagsship Apple store & bought a new Mac.  Had a much better experience than at the store in SOHO, where no-one seemed to know how to answer my questions.  Here, everyone seemed on the level, intelligent, and generally the sort of computer people I like to deal with.  I’m excited about re-entering the Mac world, to be honest.  And I’ll be picking it up today or tomorrow, loaded with all my (or at least, so I hope) data, new programs, music, etc.  With any luck, I’ll be running the new Scrivener program I’ve been coveting within the week and being very very productive. 

And in the meantime, I’m feeling well enough on my feet today to make a lasagna, and to have enjoyed shopping for groceries in the sunshine today, and to be feeling like things aren’t quite so dire as they seemed yesterday.  Even if this month doesn’t work, we’ve got two more shots of IVF paid for with my insurance, which is nothing to sneeze at.  I can do this.  It’s not fun, but it’s something I can do.  It’ll work.   I’m holding positive here – this will work.