Well.

Not in so many words, but my doctor just basically said to me that Dr. Bigshot’s full of shit.

Ok, so not really, I’m reading between the lines here, but he did express professional disagreement with Bigshot’s insta-diagnosis of “worst case of Adenomyosis I’ve ever seen.” My doctor thinks this bleeding is just the result of my poor, over-abused hormonal system trying to figure out which end is up, and that we’re still just seeing varicosities on the ultrasound, because of their position relative to the endometrium & uterine walls, because I’ve had really no pain to speak of since the miscarriage, during my normal (hah) periods, etc. He also made the point rather strongly that a diagnosis like this should never be made on the basis of one ultrasound, at least not where the patient can hear you. He seems pretty confident that if I had a case of AM that was as bad as all this, I wouldn’t be functional for 3 weeks out of the month.

But, since my doc. also realizes that hearing two completely different things from professional colleagues is disconcerting, to say the least, and since this is something that can be definitively ruled out with an MRI, he suggested I get myself to an MRI center &, um, rule it out. A peace of mind third opinion to be the tie-breaker. So I’ll make the appointment, and have it done, but he seemed pretty satisfied that we were still looking at weirdo veins, but nothing new, nothing scary, nothing that would make it impossible for me to carry a pregnancy to term.

Especially since a good solid implantation was not a problem. At all.

Have I mentioned that I really like my doctor, and that Dr. Bigshot just pisses me off every time I have to deal with him? I think next time I have to have an ultrasound with anyone other than my doc, I’ll just pass & come back the next day. Because, really, my reproductive life’s too short for this kind of stressful shit.

If the big black holes currently taking up space in the wall of my uterus do turn out to be a wicked case of Adenomyosis, my doctor did allow that he would recommend against ever trying IVF again. He also seems pretty sensitive to how hard losing this baby hit me, and seemed to be recommending DE pretty seriously – I think simply because it has such a better live birth rate than using 38 year old eggs.

After talking it over with the boy, we decided that while I am not averse to using DE, I do want one shot of using my own eggs on DHEA. (Eggs on Drugs! Boy said it sounded like a particularly scary band, and I had to agree.) However, if we strike out, or if I miscarry again (and I would opt for a D&C with genetic testing), then we’ll probably go that route and not look back since we’re such a bad match for adoption.

And my doc gave me a prescription for DHEA, and told me to start taking it at any time. Supposedly, it’s going to make me feel like a teenager again. No, not in a good way. Pimples, greasy hair, crazy moodswings. However, I’ve always had blah skin, oily hair, and, er, crazy moodswings, so I suppose I could be one of the lucky ones that it just levels everything out, just like when I was pregnant. That would be nice.

Oh, and my HCG levels are down under 10. I’m officially not-pregnant. That’s nice too.

And, assuming I get a real period one of these days/weeks/months, we might be ready to start trying for a sprog of our own again in a month and a half or so. Which is good because I’m missing the needles, let me tell you. Actually, I’m just feeling old and used-up. I’ll turn 39 in a few months, and that’s just scaring me to death. Stupid prematurely aging ovaries.

So I guess, on a whacked out level, today is the first day of prep for my next IVF cycle.

Assuming I get another cycle, which I’m going to try very hard to keep assuming. Optimism. Yeah. I vaguely remember that feeling. Shall make the MRI appointment on Monday, since there’s no real rush, other than a need to know, at this point. And then I can settle into a nice long stretch of anticipation & crazy-making hormone manipulation.

Not that I know what that’s like or anything…