Another day past transfer, another symptom/sign to obsess over! 

• vivid dreams.  like dreams that you could walk into and stay there forever, kind of vivid dreams.  coupled with…
• restless nights.  waking up many times to pee, or stare at the ceiling, or just pat the dog or the boy.  not insomnia, just not too sleepy.
• boob tenderness is still there, and I’m getting tenderer, but I’m still not sure that’s more than the PIO. 
• I’m still getting twinges – center of the uterus, pin-prick cramps – every so often.  I know I said I wasn’t going to count them as a symptom, because I recognize my own wishful thinking/hyperawareness, but I am going to count them.  So there.  I’m thinking these were the ONLY reliable symptoms last time, so I’m wishing for them this time, wishing they’ll become unmistakeable. 

The PIO is bruising me already, but the Lovonox, so long as I’m careful to get the airbubbles out first, really isn’t so bad.  The damn needles aren’t very sharp, though, which pisses me off.  Bad enough to stab yourself in the belly with an awkward, preloaded syringe, but with a dull needle?  Please. 

I’ll be ready to test officially on Friday, though if I’m honest, I’ll probably start testing on Wednesday.  And what the hell – I’ll be honest about the degree of my obsession to you all, since I suspect you’ve been here before!  And really, why else would I have bought a 25-pack of those internet-cheapie HPTs if not to have the freedom to POAS every single time the spirit moved me?  I still have a digital in the cupboard buried somewhere under the massed boxes of drugs, and I’ll spring for a pink-line test next time I’m in a drugstore.  Cover all my bases, you know…

Other than that, I fnid that I’m feeling eager to do baby-things again – look for baby-gear on Amazon, make up a list of books I want to have on hand, start special ordering baby/pregnancy books from the library – whereas for a long time after my miscarriage, I was too superstitious to bear thinking about it.  Yesterday, I finally went back onto some of my favorite “baby sites” and went through the annoyingly complex task of deleting my February due date.  (They really should have a simpler, one-stop, no-grief way of doing that.) 

I’m starting to feel hopeful again, like even if this time doesn’t work, it WILL work next time.  Which takes some of the pressure off. 

Big lie.  Pressure’s on, I’m just trying to find ways to live through this week without losing my mind entirely.  Not that I have far to go…