D&C on Friday
He’s calling it a blighted ovum, even though there was a definite and distinct yolk sac. Same diff., I suppose. He checked my hormone levels, and went back over all the pre-IVF testing we did. No immune issues, no known genetic issues.
Just another dose of “wow, you know, you really shouldn’t have waited this long.”
Just another instance of “wow, this sure sucks. tough break, kid.”
Yeah. Got the message.
I’ll have genetic testing done after the D&C. If we decide to proceed with the FET, we might opt for some pre-transfer testing on those embryos. My doctor is not a fan of pre-transfer testing, since the tests can be inaccurate, give false positives AND negatives, and we only have three embryos to work with. I’m all for it, however, since I simply don’t know how many more miscarriages I can take & still be a person whose brain I recognize.
Seriously.
Good news (good news?) is that he doesn’t see any way this could be a uterine issue. The placenta is growing up a storm in there, as is the g.sac. No nutrient blocking, no bleeding that might indicate a refusal to penetrate the uterine lining. It’s not the womb of death, it’s the antique ova.
The way I feel right now, I’m ready to move straight to a donor egg cycle. FET might be cheap, but you know? Feels sort of doomed to failure at this point. Cheap money-wise / wicked expensive sanity-wise.
Need to have some long talks with the boy regarding this. He’s been closed-mouthed about all this, trying to respect my feelings, etc., but I need more input from him than I’m getting.
Doc gave me a card for a psychologist. I tend to, er, wear my emotions on my face. I think he thought I was going to have a break down right there in his office. I considered it. He says this psych. doc. is really good at dealing with “you know, the sort of year you’ve had.”
Really? I’m not sure it’s actually possible for anyone to help me feel ok about any of this. I don’t know if I’ll give her a call yet. I might let this play out for a few weeks, see if I can stop glaring daggers at everyone walking past me who seems to have a normal life.
At least the D&C is soon. Hoping it’s as easy a recovery as last time. No pain, no bleeding, no long recovery period. Hoping this will all be over soon. Wishing I could wake up as someone else.
Oh Susan, I am glad you know what is going on but I am so sad for your news.
So glad your D&C is soon and hope that you have some answers after that about what happened.
I have (much) older eggs too– so I SO get that. I got so tired of hearing about it. Yes I know I know I KNOW I KNOW shut up please and give me something that I can DO something about.
I am all for PDG if you have access to it. I was wanting to do that my next round but also totally unsure how in the hell we would pay for it. BUT I honor the information it can give, recognizing the limitations–
And I can agree with this: yes this totally sucks. and it IS a terribly tough break. And I simply hate it for you.
Sending Love as if it were a miraculous healing balm.
Wish it were.
Kate
Giant hugs.
So sorry. I’d go for the testing – maybe it will confirm (or not) whether to go to DE. Obviously not a 100% sure thing either, sorry to say. But I am glad they were able to schedule you in so soon, hoping for a pain-free recovery.
You might make the shrink appt, it may take a bit to get in; and you can always cancel if you’re not feeling up to it. Just a thought, thinking of you.
Susan…I’m sad you are having to go through this again. But I am glad what you hoped (no uterine issues & a quick D&C) is also coming true. If there is any solice, I hope you have or will find it soon.
Hugs to you my bloggie friend, and hopes for a better day.
~nicole
Susan,
I’m glad you can get the procedure done on Friday, but god I wish you didn’t need it. Thinking of you.
Mo
Ugh. I hear you on wanting to just move the fuck on. You are in my thoughts.
I am so sorry. I am so glad that you can have the D&C on Friday. I just wish that there was more I can say. Is there more that I can do or say???? I hope you do not feel alone or isolated…
I know that one of my goals is making it out of this shit psychologically intact…physically – who knows what these drugs have done to me or will do to me, the extra weight, the melasma, etc. physically, I am probably shot for a few years. BUT I want to be able to function emotionally – so I hear you. I had counseling in the past for issues not related to IF and it really, really helped me.
Sorry if this is a stupid question, but what does the doc say, if anything, or what do you think about using donor sperm? Not that it worked any fucking miracle for me the first time…but our case was definitely shitty sperm, possibly (in my opinion, not my REs) shitty eggs – at least at this point, if we try donor sperm naturally for 12 iuis we might hit a good egg and maybe spend 15k. Just a thought that you have probably had already.
((HUGS)) and please feel free to email me or use my number – any time, day or night.
hi, this is my first time at your blog (i came over from i-can’t-whistle, mekate is my oldest friend)
i am so sorry for your losses.
i wanted to say, since we’re both in brooklyn, that my particular therapist is a specialist in fertility, donor eggs, yadda yadda. she has an office in park slope as well as in the flatiron, and is on the board of the american fertility association. it’s not impossible that the card your doctor gave you was hers. she’s had plenty of losses, which is what made her focus on this. (i don’t see her for this as i have a cat and no husband, so she is more of my “life coach”)
if you want the name, shoot me an email. i promise you i am not a sociopath and if you’re concerned about that–as i would be–you can google me.
best,
alyssa