…yesterday, due to my extreme stupidity in leaving my phone at home.  Hence, was able to make absolutely zero phone calls to clinics.   Grrrr.  

Today, though, today I make calls, send agreement of confidentiality faxes to egg-donor places, and generally try to get going.  

On the egg-donor-places front, it’s sort of funny, but there’s a whole ‘nother world out there, outside of RE clinics.  A friend of my husband’s & his partner went the donor-egg/gestational surrogacy route, and have been very helpful in suggesting the places they found most helpful when they were looking for a donor.  I’m finding some of these places absolutely terrifying ($50,000 buys you a cycle of eggs from a beautiful young lady in her second year at Harvard!) but also rather interesting.  They cater almost exclusively to gay couples, it seems, though they do make a mention way down at the bottom, that some hetero, infertile women occasionally use their services too.  

Which made me think.  I used to be really dialed into the GLBT community.  I was a Women’s Studies major in college, way back in the day, and so, probably naturally, almost all of my friends were gay – (mostly lesbians, actually, so maybe it’s not all that weird that I haven’t spared a lot of thought for the very real plight of gay men who want children.)  My husbands’ friend was very fortunate in that money was absolutely no object in their quest for kids, but how many gay men are completely shit-out-of-luck when they have to pay for a donor, as well as a surrogate?  

Makes my own “what can we afford?” question seem rather less critical, to tell you the truth.  We’ll figure it out, and we’ll get by, and no matter how insane these amounts of money seem to me, it’s STILL less than what it would take to put this eventual kid through private school for a year.  Oh GOD what am I doing in New York?

*deep breath*

Trying to work through the guilt of gambling with my husband’s money, now I just need to work through the responsibility of actually making the decision.  Getting there, but it’s going to be a slow process.  However, if I time it right, I might be able to angst over this for a few more weeks until I get back the test results, so that there is no downtime in my brain.

Because that’s important, you know.

Off to work, because I can’t get enough of that place.  I find myself actually hoping I get the job I applied for on a whim.  They might still lay my ass off in another month, but it’d be great to see on a resume when I try to find a job that I actually don’t dread going in to.  God, I hate my job.