See…
there’s a reason I made up that chart. I thought it was just a contest between Shady Grove and CCRM, but the boy thinks that with Chicago’s “guarantees” they are looking better and better, despite their low #s of transfers. I’ll be calling them tomorrow for a few more bits of information, and to see if I can peruse their actual database, but at the moment, we’re leaning toward Chicago. Our midwestern roots showing through, I guess.
Told you the collective Sprogblogger-household mind would be changing. Charts are the best.
And we should get results from the genetic testing back this week, so we know if it even makes sense to be thinking donor eggs. And, um, I’m ready to get on with it already.
Because, yeah, it’s another fucking mothers’ day, and I’m jealous. Jealous and heartsick and just plain sad that something I want so much is still as far out of my reach as ever. So I’ll just try to smile – I’ll certainly smile while on the phone with my mom. It’s her day and she deserves more than a daughter on the other side of the country. But I’ll try to pack my ideal Mother’s day up and store it with all the other things I hope to be able to do and celebrate and laugh about someday.
Today I’ll stay in, to avoid seeing all the moms-with-kids-and-flowers walking around. Today I’ll be grateful that my husband’s family does not celebrate mothers’ day. Today I’ll try to build up my Self, that part of me that has nothing to do with the part of me that wants to be part of a family. Today is for me the writer, me the dog-buddy, me the coffee-drinker/sushi-eater/wine-imbiber. It’ll be enough to get me through yet another childless mother’s day.
But I’m really ready to get going on this create-a-sprog project. Have I mentioned that?
Chicago, here we come.
the updated chart is amazing. I showed my husband and his eyes got really big – he was impressed – and was like I wonder what she does for a living? I may have to refer to you chart in the event we continue to experience failure. Yes – with the updated guarantee and costs Chicago looks pretty good.
i am trying to avoid the fact that today is M’s day – last year i was in the 2ww with Baby P and found out I was pregnant shortly after. Mr. M made a card from me that was from Baby P (he never does mushy shit like that) and just thinking about it makes me want to pull my hair out.
I am going to work out – today is my first day of seriously trying to eat healthy and work out – desired goal – weight loss but not too much since I am in another 2ww. I am feeling pretty blase about this one right now but I hope that I have to hand deliver you a chocolate chip cookie.
((HUGS)) today
Susan Reply:
May 10th, 2009 at 2:08 pm
I, too, want that chocolate chip cookie. I’ll even break my diet to eat it, if necessary!
You can tell Mr. M that I’m a librarian with way too much fondness for farting around with HTML code. I only know enough code to get myself in trouble. Fortunately, the internet is a fantastic resource for remembering how to, er, write code!
Yeah, I didn’t want to dwell on it overmuch, but mothers’ day just plain sucks. Took a walk and had to come home. Every woman out there, it seemed was carrying flowers, and every person walking by with their ear glued to a phone was saying nothing but “mothers’ day this, and mothers’ day that”. Enough already.
Keeping my fingers crossed that your “blase” will translate into calm, adrenalin-free environment for little ones to implant into.
How funny, Lisa…I am planning to go to the gym for the first time in months today too.
I am jealous and sad and heartsick and angry too. Even moreso than I was last year. But you’re so right, we need to focus on the other parts of us. We are more than women trying to be mothers, even if that one fact takes over everything else. I hope you have lots of good wine/sushi/coffee today.