Sprog has limbs
Seriously, look at my little widget-gizmo. There are actual legs there. And I have it on good (Google) authority that ears are forming. In another couple of weeks he won’t even be my spice-lovin’ big-head alien baby anymore.
*sniff*
They grow up so fast.
Seriously, I know many of you find the widget-gizmo disgusting and creepy, but I enjoy the hell out of it. It’s the closest I can get to that demo-cow ideal of being able to actually look into my innards to see what’s happening. And it’s one thing to read some pregnancy timetable and say, “hey, legs are lengthening” and it’s another to see actual growth day-by-day on the widget-gizmo baby.
Of course, on the “oh my god why did I ever think this could work for me” front, I woke up this morning convinced that the baby is dead. Why? you ask. Because the terrible pain in my chestal region is completely gone. Nothing. Zilch. Nada.
Nevermind that I went off Estrace this week, which has probably been contributing to the, er, hormonally-based changes in my body. Nevermind that I went off prednisone this week, which drastically affects how much fluid is in my system. Nevermind that I ate watermelon for breakfast these last two days running and so can be assumed to be retaining slightly less water than has become typical for me. That evil part of my heart that gloats over and revels in every single pregnancy symptom is utterly convinced that it’s over. At least I’ll probably get an ultrasound tomorrow to reassure me or confirm the worst.
Seriously, I don’t know how pregnant women get by with just an ultrasound to confirm the pregnancy and another one midway through. Thank god I’m AMA with a history of loss and so can expect multiple checkups where young thangs might only get one.
Terror just sucks.
So I’ll concentrate on limbs today, and how wiggly they look, and hope I get to see/feel them wiggling soon.
Ugh. Hate this.
I love seeing your floating sprog widget. And thank you for mentioning the perks of being AMA- I hope that I, too, get to look forward to lots and lots of ultrasounds over the next 8 months.
Sprog is starting to look just like you.
Susan Reply:
July 28th, 2009 at 2:10 pm
Just like me – stubby little legs & a big head…
FWIW, the only pregnancy when I had major breast “issues” was the one that included Estrace. And that was *not* my successful pregnancy, but the one with the lowest beta that barely got off the ground. Fake hormones can have really pronounced effects. Sprog is fine–just look at those little legs! Still, I know it’s hard to trust.
I’m loving the legs. Yes, I’m one of those who thought the widget was creepy but little sprog is looking much better now – and it is cool to see how fast he/she grows! I’m sure your loss of symptoms is totally related to going off the drugs. I hope you get some good reassuring news tomorrow.
I love the widget at all stages. I don’t think young women with no history of loss need or should get u/s. They should be saved for us IF-ers.
Susan Reply:
July 28th, 2009 at 2:12 pm
You’re so right. Think how many more U/S I’d be able to have if these doctors weren’t busy doing totally unnecessary 20-week gender checks for non-neurotic young thangs?!?!
I think I’m going to start a petition…
Oh, I hear you. I had an ultrasound 26 hours ago and am already convinced that the Little One has died since then (woke up not feeling nauseated, go figure). We also told a couple of family members once we saw the heartbeat, which is a surefire way to kill a baby if I ever heard of one. It’s going to be a loooooooonnnggg first trimester, if I’m lucky enough to get through it, I can already tell. I too would go for a window into the womb if I could get one. But I have a feeling maybe even that wouldn’t completely ease my anxieties. I think only time will do that.
As for the change in your symptoms, doing this pregnancy thing drug free this time has been entirely different than previously. The progesterone, etc., are really powerful substances – and you’re taking them in higher amounts than your body would be producing naturally. I barely feel anything in my breasts. If I smoosh them into my chest with my hands, I feel a dull soreness, but left unmolested, they are just fine. Not uncomfortable when I roll over in bed, not uncomfortable in bra. Nada. And this hint of soreness is new – only the past couple of days (and may solely result from me smooshing them a few times a day to see if I feel anything!).
Hang in there. Hope you get your u/s tomorrow and that it brings you much needed reassurance.
Mo
Susan Reply:
July 28th, 2009 at 2:14 pm
I laughed aloud in total recognition – “a surefire way to kill a baby if I ever heard of one.”
Yep.
Doomed. Doomed doomed doomed.
I came close to yechhing on the train. I think everything’s ok. Alternately, I think my very appropriate levels of panic injected Sprog with a necessary dose of adrenalin which started his heart beating again.
Sigh. A long trimester, indeed.
Seriously, thank you for the words of encouragement. Damned drugs.
Yep. I hear you. Very, very long first trimester. I am really getting sick of the bleeding checks. When I get up to pee in the middle of the night I have to turn the light on to check. Seriously considering putting a flashlight next to the loo…
I too love the widget and I am pissed wordpress will not let me have it.
the only highlight of being high risk is the frequency of u/s. before i was admitted to the hospital we had them every 2w. now we will be at least weekly. i think i would go insane with only one or two.