1.  Midwife appointment today where I shall get down on my knees and beg for an ultrasound, if necessary.  Not sure I could have held out another day…

2.  Slightly cooler than last night.  Which is to say, slightly cooler than death valley having an unseasonable thunderstorm for 36 hours straight.  I.  Hate.  Humidity.

But it sure does make me appreciate even a teeny lessening in the summer-misery-factor.  We’ve gotten so spoiled this summer…

3.  Um, midwife appointment today?  Verification that baby is not, in fact, dead.  These are all things that are taking up pretty much all of my brain space right now.

4.  I’m at 9 weeks today.  Rather exciting.  Especially if, you know, everything’s ok.

5.  Oh god, I just want the next two hours to pass so I can get in there & see if everything’s copacetic, and then maybe I’ll be able to be grateful for birds & bugs and sunsets again.  Damn, I hate waiting and I hate uncertainty and I really hate irrational (or maybe not so irrational) and paranoid (or maybe not so paranoid) fear that comes out of nowhere and grabs you by the throat and refuses to let go until you get some hard empirical proof that you’re a goose, and even then, that feeling of goose-ish complacency only lasts for approximately 72 hours before you’re right back where you were before, and I don’t think I’m going to MAKE it to this child’s 18th birthday because I’m going to be one of those terrifying mothers who hovers over her kid to make sure he never skins his knee and my child will hate me for it and spend years in therapy trying to overcome his mother’s irrational terror of the cruelty of the world.  

Please let it be 11:30 soon.  Please.  I promise I’ll be grateful.