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Like Being Stranded in Tahiti

I’m feeling rather veteran-like these days.  And not, necessarily, in a good way.  I feel like I spend half the time on my blog finding new IF bloggers and installing them on my “trying to conceive” column, only to have to move them over to the “pregnant” column within, oh, 6 days or so.

Please understand, I’m sincerely happy for these folks – how could I not be?  I wish them everything good and everything carefree and happy about the next 8.5 months or so.  I’m just feeling like my bloggy circle of compatriots is getting narrower by the day – and who the hell really wants to be in my club of multiple losses & ectopics & IVF failures, anyway?  Hell, I don’t want to be in my club.  I don’t want any of you to be in my club – I like you, and it’s a shitty place to be.

But it still feels lonelier and lonelier.  Like getting stranded in Tahiti.  During a typhoon.  And watching the first-class passengers get airlifted out of there a full 12 hours earlier than the rest of us.  Not their fault, we didn’t begrudge them the special treatment, we just really wished that plane was big enough to hold all of us.  Because Tahiti?  In a typhoon?  Not so much fun as you’d think it might be.  (True story, BTW.  I’ll elaborate at some other time.)

I am very deliberately not making plans post DE-cycle.  I am very deliberately assuming that this is going to work, that this will be my ticket out of here.  Because honestly?  I don’t speak a word of French, and the line for the telephone is now wrapping around the airplane hangar, and the rain?  It’s coming in sideways through the open sides of the airport now.

I’d really like to get out of here soon.  From the outside, being stranded in Tahiti during a typhoon might sound interesting, or like something that makes you grow as a person, or something that a writer might, say, use in her epic trilogy exploring family and loyalty and friendship and bloodties and unexpected pregnancy and heredity; but actually it’s really just a great big fucking waste of time that could be better spent elsewhere.

“Excusez-moi, de quel côté se trouve la plage?”

18 comments to Like Being Stranded in Tahiti

  • Amy

    You’re not alone. I’m stuck here too.

  • Even though it does seem like everyone else is leaving, you do still, unfortunately, have lots of company to commiserate with. Hopefully, we’ll all be getting our tickets out of here very soon.

  • I’ve followed your blog for some time but never commented. I so hope this DE cycle is your chance out of here. Much luck!

  • rockrob

    I don’t know that it helps any to know (or be reminded), but there are lots of us out out here that don’t have the confidence or courage or (whatever reason) to blog (or comment on them), but we are feeling the pain and are quietly pulling for you and all other bloggers we read – we are still here with you. And we need you to express our emotions for us with your words because some of us are so friggin’ filled with fear we are paralyzed. That being said – like you, we need you to get moved over to that “Pregnancy” column. I really admire you and the way you are dealing with such a particularly hard trying-to-get-pregnant journey (“hard” chosen because I can’t express a word to capture your journey. I’ll let you do that as you do). Just wanted to remind you that there are many of in Tahiti with you still…

  • I feel you sister! I’m here too. I wish we could both get out.

  • MabelB

    I really really hope you are in first class on the next plane out with a glass of champagne in your hand at take off. And I hope that it leaves VERY soon. You have certainly paid enough for the ticket.

  • I get your analogy. I’m the one who keeps building the fucking raft to get out of the storm and keeps getting pushed back in just when I think I’ve escaped.

  • K

    Honestly, (and this will likely sound stupid), but I have not mentally moved myself into the new column you have moved me into. I am waiting for the other shoe to drop. I am waiting for that effing phone call that says,…oops…thanks for playing again…but you didn’t win this time. I know it’s not very positive of me and I am really trying to surround myself with the best energy. But it’s like being permanently branded by the scarlet letter(s) IF. Sigh…I am still here to lend support for you my dear Sprog.

    Nous sommes entourés par la plage.

    Susan Reply:

    You’re the best. And Google Translate is also the best, because I was telling the truth – I don’t have a word of French. You’re right, though. As usual. The beach does, indeed, surround us. Maybe one of these days I’ll break out the bikini and try to enjoy it. Be well, K.

  • I’m with K… it’s hard to believe you have left the island, even when you are on the plane. You are just holding on waiting for turbulence and the inevitable crash. I hope you are on the next plane – you have more than earned it!

  • Yeah, I get that. And while it does sometimes seem like EVERYBODY I follow is moving into the PG column, there are lots of us still left here in the terminal. Yuck.

    So excited for your upcoming DE cycle. Hopefully mine will not be far behind. Then we can both get outta this place!

  • Mary

    I am stuck there with you, don’t have a blog, but enjoy reading yours. Good luck with the DE cycle. That’s our next step too.

  • I know how you feel. I’m wishing you all the best with your DE cycle and your job interview.

    I don’t blog about being infertile, but if being added to your blogroll is what it takes to get pregnant (hey, I’ve heard weirder things), can you please add mine?

  • Hey hey hey….I’m STILL here…..I knew I always wanted to go to Tahiti but come onnnnnnnnnnnn not for 10 freaking years! You an get too muh of a good thing!

    I hear you about moving people and their blogs into the “pregnany” column, I did a big move around last week and the pregnancy section just ballllllllooned and the still trying section looked a bit miserable so had to go and hunt some more to add to it!

    As previous commentators have said, just remember that you’re not alone! You have fellow strandees on the island with you….BUT when you do manage to get on that plane and hitch a ride off the island, can you please leave a bottle of champers here for us strandees to enjoy? LOL At least while we wait we can have a good time! Oh and remember to wave when you fly over head!!

    xxx

  • Hey the other crappy thing about being stuck in Tahiti is that the cocktails are off-limits! Can’t even drink ourselves into an uncaring stupor.

    I shall be thinking VERY positive thoughts for you for this next cycle.

    :)

  • I have my fingers so tightly crossed they are cramped! I am hoping for you too… So much… (and not just because you are a fellow librarian!) :)

  • mo

    I am freaking sick of Tahiti. Can we both blow this joint?