Dear Ms DonorFantastica
Dear Ms DonorFantastica,
You don’t know me, but I know a little about you. I know your age, and the age of your siblings and parents, and how old your grandparents were when they died. I know your medical history. I know the sexual history you report to doctors. I know how well you stimulate on stimming drugs, and I know that you gained ten pounds the last time you did this. I know you want to be a dermatologist. I know you like to talk. My doctor says you’re pretty and nice and smart. You have a cousin who’s infertile, and you were motivated to donate oocytes after watching her struggles to become a parent. And, you admit, the money doesn’t hurt either, which means you’re honest, and that’s a point in your favor as far as I’m concerned.
People keep asking me, “Aren’t you sad to be using a donor’s eggs to make your child?” ”Isn’t it hard to know you’ll not be contributing any of the working DNA to this project?” ”Don’t you wish you could do this the old-fashioned (IVF) way?”
To answer all those questions, while – of course – I’d rather not have gone through this last year and a half of grief, fear, and misery, I feel grateful beyond words that I am going through this in 2009, and not in, say, 1979. I already came to terms with the fact that my body wasn’t going to cooperate and that IVF was our only real option. Turns out, my eggs passed their use-by date a while back while I was busy, you know, finding a man to be my child’s father. But I’m so damned lucky. Because this is 2009, not 1979. Because of women like you, I have the chance to be a mother. I know it probably gets old hearing about what a generous thing you are doing for your recipients, but let me say it right out front:
You are giving me an enormous gift – one for which I will always be grateful, whether or not I end up with a baby at the end of it.
So all the shit you’re injecting into your body, the rage-y moods you’re enduring, the weight you’re probably gaining, please know how grateful I am to you. Please know it’s appreciated. Please know that in my book, you’re a heroine. You’re the heroine of this story, and I’m the damsel hoping to be rescued from the dragon of IF that’s eaten my life.
Thank you.
Puny words to express everything I’m feeling, but they’re sincere.
With deepest gratitude,
Sprogblogger
My situation is somewhat different from yours, but, yes, I am grateful beyond words to live in an era of both reproductive choice and the reproductive technologies that make choice truly possible. And for the man, wherever he is, who helped make LG who she is.
Your post made me cry.
I’m with gwinne in that this letter to Ms. DonorFantastica struck a chord with me. It also made me cry. Daily I am in awe of women like your donor and K who give so much of themselves to help us. It’s humbling and I find that words fail to express my deepest gratitude. I feel and know your sincerity. I wish you nothing but the best in this cycle.
What a beautiful letter, Sprogblogger, truly.
Fucking dragon.
love,
Kate
Lovely letter. I am so hopeful for you and her and this cycle.
Beautiful. And the picture you paint of the heroine and the princess and the dragon? Perfect.
Wonderfully put. Gave me cold chills. I’m forever grateful to my surrogate that is carrying our child. Hoping this cycle is it for you.
Oh yes to this. I am glad that tit is now not then. Your donor is doing something that i doubt I could have done if I had been the fertile one. I am glad that altruists like her exist.
I stumbled upon your blog (not at looking for something egg donor related), and just want to reach out and let you know that I was an egg donor in July of this year.
BEST DECISION EVER.
I was just told on Monday that the couple I donated to wanted to let me know they’ve passed the 12 week mark. 9 years of TTC, 3 failed adoptions, 3 failed IVFs, and the woman is now experiencing a typical, normal, healthy pregnancy.
I cried. In my office. In front of everyone.
Good luck! I’ll be following along and rooting for you! (Also, feel free to email me if you want to know more info from the donor side.)
xoxo
-kate
That is so sweet. I hope that, somewhere, out in blogland, she is able to see this.