“My life sucks, and how are you?”
Not exactly the best Thanksgiving conversation starter, is it? I need to work on an alternate on the drive up to CT, but right now? It’s all I’ve got.
Sure enough, I’m an ovulating machine. Despite the Lupron. Despite last week’s two-periods-for-the-price-of-one. Plus I’ve got a cyst. So it’s at least another two weeks before anything else happens. Two more weeks on Lupron. Two more weeks of angst and stress and unhappy. I’m going to have to get another prescription because I won’t have enough because this shit is going on so fucking long. I hate this. I hate it all.
My life sucks, and how are you?
What I need to know – and can’t, because, obviously, there are no answers to questions such as these – is:
- What is this going to do to my donor’s chances of producing good, top quality eggs for me? Being suppressed an additional 2 weeks can’t be good for her.
- This is going to put retrieval/transfer right at – if not exactly on – Christmas. And getting an additional 3 days off right around Christmas? Not so easy.
- Why can’t any-fucking-thing in my life be easy? Just for a little while?
Seriously, about that last? I’m wallowing in self-pity here, I know, but it’s a serious question straight from my soul. Honestly, I just want to catch a break somewhere. Somewhere, somehow, I would like something to go well for me. I hate my job, I can’t have a baby, my writing life is stuck indefinitely in slow-motion due to the aforesaid stress & time-commitments for the job-I hate and the baby-I-can’t-seem-to-have. This is not the life I want. Fuck, I’d settle for just SOMETHING coming to me without huge amounts of grief and setbacks and unbearable awfulness attached. Is that really so much to ask? I just want something to go well, to be able to look back on it and say, “Hey, that wasn’t so bad!”
Because right now? It’s bad. It’s all bad, and I’m scared out of my mind that it’s never going to get any better.
My life sucks, and how are you?
(Maybe if I say it with a really perky smile, no one will notice the words coming out of my mouth. At least not unless they look in my eyes and see the Lupron-beast trying to get out and strangle them).
Fuck.
Fuck is right. I’m so sorry.
uugghhh.. I hear you. My life sucks too. It’s so hard when you look around and it seems like things come so easy for some people.
bottom line: I want to join your pity party.
Sorry about all this…even though it is hard, try to remain positive. I’m sure all will be well with your donor even if she is on suppression another 2 weeks. I hope everything works out with this impending transfer, you will have a great story to tell about your Christmas baby.
Oh Sprog! How disappointing! I don’t know the answers to all your questions – especially the catching a break somewhere one. We NYers seem to be fresh out of catching breaks, don’t we. Blah. However, as to fears of your donorfantastica being on lupron longer, I believe she should be fine, egg-quality wise. Ask your RE, but that’s my understanding. Thinking of you. This completely stinks. And I’m sorry.
Mo
I’m sorry. I hope things turn around soon.
{{{Huge hugs}}}, I am so sorry you are going through all this.
Shit. I’m sorry. This sucks and I don’t understand why you can’t get a fucking break either. I’m so sorry.
oh Sprog, I am so so sorry. you have got to be kidding right?
no?
double fuck with a side of suck.
(not the good kind).
and
I too wish you could catch a nice big easy ride out of this hell. I really do– all of it, job, baby…. and just get to wake up happy.
I love that your love licked your face. He rocks.
And the rest of this?
sucks shit.
I cannot quite believe how much it sucks.
it
does
suck.
xox
Kate
Oh what terrible news! Crap! We keep mirroring each other – things seem to be going smoothly and then another roadblock pops up. I know how you are feeling – it does suck the complete big one. The only thing that I have to offer is that my cycle got delayed two weeks waiting on my donor’s E2 levels to fall, which really put me through the ringer, but I survived the two weeks and hopefully I am back on track for now. I’m hoping the same happens for you and it all works out perfectly in the end.
Sending you a big hug! And – maybe saying FUCK! with a smile on your face will work after a while? I hope so!
Megan
OH crap. This sucks. Amazing how after all we go through, when we have learned our bodies inside and out, no one wants to believe us when we think something’s happened. Crap. It’s just crap.
Hugs dear friend…
Fuckity fuck fuck fuck.
Fuck! Been there…err…still there. Yep, it sucks. IF is really just one road block after another, isn’t it? Well, that and WAITING.
Hope you and DH have a happy Thanksgiving.
Fuck is right. It all sucks and I’m so sorry you have to deal with it. Hoping so hard it all works out for you when all is said and done.
I am sending love and strength your way. This is going to be a tough weekend for us too. We just lost our second pregnancy in a year a couple of weeks ago. I would have been just far enough along to share the happy news. Now I don’t want to see anyone or go anywhere.
If you feel the need to vent come and yell on your blog. I hope everything goes smoothly for you this weekend and just know you have lots of blogger angels on your shoulder cheering you on.
I am sorry about the ovarian talent with unwanted timing.
Two more weeks on lupron would drive me batshit, too.
g
Fuck. I am just so incredibly sorry. It’s just been one set back after another…
I’m assuming there’s no other way to do this than be on lupron?
I’m thinking of you.
Gah! Ovulating when you don’t want to?? Thanks a lot Ms. Ovary. I hope that this ends up being a small glitch and you and the donor can get right on track soon…. I hope your thanksgiving leaves you with something to be thankful for
Dealing with this crap is bad enough on the best of days. Add in extra Lupron and the holidays and it’s the perfect storm. Fuck is right.
Great! Just %**§% great!
‘Sorry’ does not cover the gamut of regret, sorrow, anger, fear and rage and many other feelings that one feels when something does not go as it should in the field of conceiving. But, for the sake of convention, we use it.
So, I am sorry, Susan, that things are still craptastic for you. I hope this changes soon.
Stay strong.
Holy shit. I am simultaneously impressed by your ‘you-can’t-boss-me-around’ ovaries and horrified for how much this sucks for you. I am so sorry you got anything less that perfect news. You deserve only perfect news. Fuck. Hang in there. I’m thinking of you.