I don’t usually pay too much attention to my blog stats or to the keywords that people used to find me, etc. Usually, it’s either utterly boring – “srpogbolger” usually leads the list – or absolutely horrific “baby’s dead”.

But a couple of days ago, “Life sucks, can’t catch a break” came up as a search term that some unhappy soul used to find this blog.  Wow.  Wow on a few levels – first, damn!  If it’s you, and you’re reading this, I’m sorry.  I’m sorry that things are so sucky, and that your google search turned up other peoples’ sucky lives instead of, you know, something helpful like a listing of fantastic, pro bono therapists in your hometown, or the address of a really good chocolatier.

But having said that, damn, why did Google point to ME?!?

A good bit of my life does suck.  You know, I”m the first to admit (or scream from the rooftops) that the miscarryin’, infertile part of my life bites ass.  But other parts aren’t so bad.  Some bits are quite nice.  And as for breaks, I do believe that I’m damned lucky to be going through this when I am.  30 years ago I’d've been laughed out of a doctor’s office.  Instead, I feel privileged to have access to such radical possibilities for baby-making, (holy shit, we’re going to do what in just a couple of weeks?  wow!)  and I feel awfully lucky that this period of my life happens to be taking place in a state that mandates IVF coverage, and in a city that has some of the easiest access to clinics and donors in the world. Not to mention that fact that my dear Boy is amenable to the thought of adding to his family at this point in his life.  Not to mention the fact that both our families have been nothing but sympathetic and supportive.  Plus, I have a dog I love.  I’ve got all kinds of breaks, and not just of the heart-ache kind.

So I find it a bit disturbing that Google, God of Searches, has deemed me an expert on sucky, can’t-catch-a-break lives.

**

Looking back over the titles of recent posts, I guess I did write a Thanksgiving post that was anything but thankful-sounding and which did, in fact, have a title along the lines of “life sucks….”  So there you are.  Mystery solved.

But still.

If you’re the one who found this blog using those terms and live anywhere near Brooklyn, I can seriously hook you up with a fantastic coffee roaster and a really good therapist and those two things should improve your life immensely.  Because I’d hate to give the impression that all is doom here in ’sorplbooger” land.

At least not all the time.

Sometimes there’s chocolate.