2dp3dt – DE – Lovenox
Ah, Lovenox, Lovenox. Derived from the unclean bowels of pigs, yet worth more than gold and jewels in the eyes of mine insurance company. Thou createst a paradox of health and sickness, vigor and frailty, balancing my life upon a knife’s blade of hemorrhaging and clotting. Thou art beautiful in mine eyes, and yet hateful, as well.
Let me count the ways in which I do not love thee.
Thou art equipped with a “safety syringe needle cap” that dost refuse to come off the first time I grab it, irritating me each and every blasted time I try to give myself an injection.
Thy makers hath ground down the needle’s point itself – lo! unto the very epitome of roundness! – forcing me to jab repeatedly at the tender flesh of mine belly in order to scarify and mortify my most resplendent tummy and take thine potions and mixtures into myself.
Thine “intentional air bubble” scares the crap out of me, for as an innocent child I viewed too many episodes of Marcus Welby wherein air bubbles in IV lines smote both the high and the low, regardless of the Lord High Google’s protestations of impossibility, otherwise.
Thou hast a punch to thine dosages that makes me to feel as if a mule hast kicked me in my gut. Repeatedly. Angrily. And that mule doth continue to kick, long after the draught has been distributed.
And at last, thy loathsome poisons do mangle and bruise me, causing the pale flesh of my underbelly to become purple and ripe as the swelling of grapes upon the hills of Judea.
For these things – and more – do I curse and revile thee. But since thou also offerest me the best chance which hath yet been provided, which might yet allow me to begat and bear a child, I shall submit to thy whims and prostate myself before thee, humbly. Bowing my head and accepting the pain as my due.
Thou great big nasty shot of anti-coagulant, you.
**
(Two injections down, two-hundred twenty seven – more or less – to go.)
Ha, I hear ya. Evil bloody stuff.
You crack me up! I have to say, though, that I’ve only had two “bad” injections in two months. After the first, I made sure that I actually injected myself with the pointy part of the needle (it’s slanted, which I didn’t noticed at first) and that has ended the “rubber skin” problem. Still, I do prefer old regular heparin, which is twice daily, but uses insulin syringes. You might ask your doc about switching, if you really hate the Lovenox. (Fragmin, which is another low molecular weight heparin is EVIL.)
I am so sorry but that was so brilliant, I think I just wet my pants, you ridiculously clever person.
I thank thee.
Good lord Sprogblogger, you seriously rock. Even if you are bruised and tender.
Can you redeploy the heinous liquid into a regular syringe with a sharper needle (my ganirelix trick?)– might want to ask since that sounds sucky sucky sucky. Ask a pharmacist, they know more about meds than anybody.
Very, very funny!!!!! I hope that you can be as pain-free as possible!
By the way, I checked out the payment on my zofran – it was $2100.00 for a one month supply – WTF – we paid $10 for our copay but shit do I feel bad for people without insurance – I mean do not get me started on the insurance system but you get my drift!
Oh I wholeheartedly agree! I HATE those injections. And what is up with the dull needles? Seriously, they are the worst. I switched to 2 x day heparin for that reason alone for my FET. Insulin needles are a breeze compared to those.
And I didn’t realize that it is made from the bowels of pigs! ARGH! I thought hamsters were bad enough! Actually, I probably don’t want to know what most of these IVF meds are made of…
Oh, ouch. Your sense of humor’s intact, though. And after all of this? You’re wonderful!
Don’t worry about the air – you’d have to inject way more than a couple cc of air directly into a vein to have any kind of problem. That smidgen going under your skin won’t go directly into a vein, and will just be reabsorbed by your body. Heck, when giving my HCG or orgalutran shots, I’d intentionally add a little bit of air on top in order to be sure that all the meds got into my body.
Sorry for the blunt needle and the pain though. Sounds awful!
Ha, awesome post. I have so much repsect for all you IVF gals and your poor bruised tummies, and bums.
Hang in there. =)
Coming back to say how freaking excited I am for you.
Great post! Keep up the good work with that wicked brew!
Hysterical!
Can you put it in other parts of your body? backs of thighs? Hips (not the IM shot parts). I think I saw someone on Baby story twist around and jab herself with Lovnox in the hip.
Pigs bowels? Really?
I hate that damn cap also.
I always flick the syringe to get the (omg, so scary) air bubble up and then push the air out. For. every. injection.
I’ve started doing mine on my side because the nurse said I’d have to at some point anyway, because the belly would get taut. Which is almost ok on the right side, with the help of mirror, but kind of impossible on the left. Boobs get in the way.
So do you have to up the dose if, I mean WHEN, you get pregnant? Are you on 40?
Ouch! Love the post, so well written and clever. I’m sorry about the shots and you make me tremble with fear if I am prescribed it in future. Hoping that it will help you.
I always got so freaked doing the damn shots in my belly that within a week I switched to my thighs. For some reason, this made them MUCH easier.