3w6d – The Giddy
Yesterday was the most fun I’ve had in quite a long time. Today is proving to be even more fun. The line is darker on this morning’s test. I’m still pregnant. I could get used to this.
I spent yesterday in a blur: poring over cloth diapering vs. disposable online debates, grinning like a fool, and – of course – reading all the lovely comments people left. Let me repeat that one – reading all the lovely comments that lovely people left.
Thank you.
Thank you from the bottom of my bitter, infertile heart. Having you all to celebrate this hurdle with – as I hope to celebrate many more of my own and of your hurdles – made yesterday absolutely perfect. The Boy is keeping his emotional distance just yet - can’t really blame him – but I’m full-on in love with this sprog already, and with the potential of this pregnancy. And having so many wonderful women to dance with in little joyful circles, while making squeeee!!!! noises, made yesterday the very happiest of happy days for me.
Thank you.
(Plus I found a whole BUNCH of blogs I need to start reading!)
***
In Symptom Watch news, The Thirst is still the major motivating factor in my life, second only to The Peeing and The Salivating. Talking about gross (which, of course, I love to do), drinking water like a fiend while you’re having to swallow spit so often that you notice it? Let’s just say “Blech” & be done with it. Give me Greens Now is pushing for ascendency in the appetite department. The Girls have decided to strike out on their own, just as soon as they can unhook the underwire bra I’ve strapped them into (and the way they’re growing I expect them to sprout fingers any day now); and Mah Fabulous Uterus has noticed that there’s a stowaway and is rearranging her bits & pieces accordingly (cramping for me is a GOOD sign). All in all, even without that very reassuring HPT this morning, I’m feeling pregnant, which is to say: I’m feeling happy.
As far as other things going on are going on, I should learn more about my fate at work next week at the meeting my old manager called. I’m going to go in for my first beta on Monday instead of Tuesday, so that my second one will be Wednesday instead of Thursday so that I can make said meeting.
And, um, also because I’m impatient like that and want to go in today but I’m not because I’m a good patient & try not to push my clinic’s buttons too much by revealing that I tested a full 6 days early. (Hahah. Which I did. Suckas.)
I downloaded the pregnancy meditation tape that I bought & never opened because it arrived from Amazon the day I learned I lost Sprog #4. I downloaded it & listened to it on repeat all the way home from work. This routine actually does seem to help me, I’ve been listening to IVF meditation tapes the same way, and it helps me get a handle on my overwhelming anxiety. Haven’t yet figured out how to pick it up and toss it out the door, but I’m working on it.
And my attitude is completely different this time around. I went into this hoping – no, nearly assuming – that this would work. Despite the Thanksgiving cyst, the cycle went darned near perfectly. Ms DonorFantastica had such a fantastic response, and my poor confused body was so happy not to be on stims that it rose to the challenge by producing a lovely fluffy lining, and getting pregnant has never been my main challenge anyway. So I’ve felt confident this time around, not fatalistic. And I can’t begin to say what a great gift that is. If it lasts another few weeks I will consider myself the luckiest person around, because, damn, I’ve been dreading the crippling, free-floating anxiety and it just hasn’t shown up yet. Hoping that it got lost in all this snow…
I have all sorts of plans for this blog space in the next few months, and I warn you now – I’m going to be giddy and I’m going to be goofy and I totally understand if you don’t actually want to watch my giddy & goofy on display. I’m going to be posting my excel charts – you know you do this too, Traci! – and I’m going to be posting tickers and US pictures and new headers and week-by-week stats. I’ve had enough of fatalism and am going to consciously embrace The Giddy. Beats the hell out of WaitingForTheOtherShoeToDrop, which is the place I’ve been operating from for the last 2 years.
Ready to move on. Ready for my blogging name to become a reality. Blogging about my sprog. I like the sound of that.
I am giddy for you!!!!
Wow. Just wow. The giddy is going to look great on you.
Giddy on up! Good for you, enjoy!
Continue to be so thrilled for you — love seeing new posts! Enjoy the Giddy!
IF takes such a hard toll on us that we all need to embrace the happy times!
I’m with you on this new approach, it is about time to start enjoying, today is what counts now, let´s not think about tomorrow because TODAY is all we have for now!
I love reading your giddiness! Upbeat, positive, and hopeful are all well and good, but giddy really takes the cake. I’m looking forward to 8 months more of it. Keep it coming!
I am so damn happy for you. I cannot wait to ead every last word of your giddiness. Glad to get to take the journey with you.
Oh you’re going to cloth diaper?! Fabulous. We kind of did a combo but were almost 100% cloth until eight months. My favorite brand? Fuzzibunz, hands down. BumGenius are also good but the velcro, while easy, gets a little…messy shall we say? This time around with the Twinks I am thinking of going the diaper service route just so I can keep my sanity, but I still hope to use my Fuzzibunz.
Still so happy for you and so glad that you are staring doubt&fear in the face and saying “Take THIS! A TICKER! Pow Pow! Take THAT! I’m browsing for REAL LIVE BABY things! Bam, Smack!”
Awesome! I totally agree about how much happier my body was without stims. I know it’s still early, but for me, once I fully embraced going donor, it gave me so much more confidence about the “take home baby” thing. Congrats mama!
Embracing the giddy with you.
Can’t wait to here about your Beta.
I have had a HUGE grin since reading your great news yesterday! Sharing in your giddiness and glad that you are enjoying every minute of it!!
I am so so so happy for you! I found your blog on cyclesista when I was doing my IVF. I hope this is your happily ever after.
Little pre-warning about that extra spit thing. That is always my first sign of pregnancy…and then I read it is actually typically associated with (and I quote) “really bad morning sickness”…um, and then it hit. So, the upside is you may be having a daily annoying reminder of the amazing growth going on inside of you (I always have to give respect to this beautiful aspect of MS), but, in honesty, in about 2 weeks, you may start getting nauseous…so I will give my MS blessing: I hope you have enough to remind you of the life inside you and to give you reassurance that you have a very STRONG life growing inside you but not enough to be completely miserable:-)
Go giddy. Don’t feel bad about it. Don’t apologize for it. We IFers seem to get serious survivor guilt but its not fair….so avoid it if you can!!! ENJOY!!!
Oh, and I think I am considering a post re: cloth v. disposable. I am going all-cloth but have a couple systms set up. For now, we are trying a diapering service and will get g-diapers for outside of the house and travel….however, I’m still researching the bum genius diapers. I just can’t bring myself to do disposable. I was obsessed with this for the last 6 months. (and do know that there are diapering services in Brooklyn, if you are interested)
Congratulations on a hard-earned success! Your positive vibe is jumping off the laptop at me and that is a tremendous accomplishment from the land of RPL. Congratulations again and much peace to you and your pregnancy!!
Congrats! We are all thinking of you and staying tuned. Now I am going back to lurking ststus. We love you.
Hello! I can’t say I am a reader, but I pop by here and there and saw in my google reader that you are pregnant! Congratulations!!!
OMG! Where have I been for the past few days?? This is fabulous news!! Can’t wait for next week’s beta numbers. Have a very wonderful, very pregnant weekend.
so, so, so, so happy for you!!!!! post some pics of those sticks – you know how much I freaking love seeing them!!!
Congrats, hope the next 8 months or so is uneventful.
I’ll join you in the giddy!
Most importantly you’ve got to tell yourself that none of this is in your control at this point, other than taking taking the shots and eating decently. And I’d much rather see you livin’ giddy than worrying when the other shoe may drop. Makes for a happier you and a happier sprog.
I am excited for you..I am a lurker and since it is the week to call yourself out..Here I am.I have been following your blog for sometime now.I am so happy and excited for you.I thank you for all that you share.You are a wonderful woman!
You are so good at Giddy! when I finally fucking get pregnant, I’m going to pretend I’m you for at least an hour a day! YAYAYAAY!
Man I wish I knew you and that I could call you up and say, “Yeah!!!!” and get a little of the bubbly feeling you have going on.
Congrats!
Giddy sure suits you.
Major congrats on this long-awaited miracle. I have been following along for over a year. You are such an inspiration to me! I rarely get a chance to comment (raising triplets after IF). I saw your phenomenal news over on Kate’s blog and just had to delurk to offer my congratulations.
I will delurk to help embrace your giddy.
A friend of mine lost a baby to stillbirth nearly a year ago and started a blog. I had been reading her blog and supporting her when she started listing all the blogs she was reading to help her through. She listed Michele’s blog (My Life After Loss). She was early in her second trimester at that point and I couldn’t stop reading her blog to see her progress. I prayed for her and followed every day.
One day Michele posted about your awful loss last summer, so I clicked on your blog. And I’ve been pulling for you ever since, coming here every day to read your wonderful posts. You’re smart, you’re well read, you love great food, you are kind and thoughtful. I kept reading not only to pull for you because through your posts I felt like I was making a friend, even though you never knew I was here reading every day.
I am so happy for you. I know you’ve had a long, long road, and I am so glad that you’re savoring every minute of the bliss. Here’s to much, much, much more bliss in 2010.
Giddy is good!!!