Scary Week Begins – and I seem to be doing a lousy job of coping
Yawn. I’m feeling sort of sulky that I have to go in to work today. Because, really, shouldn’t I be given the whole week off since we went & got yesterday off? Why doesn’t the work-world work like that? It really should.
Lots of bleeding after my exam yesterday, so I think I’m just going to have to accept that my cervix is cranky – can’t blame her. This is certainly more work than she’s ever been asked to do before. And I’ll keep drinking a ton, and hoping it goes away soon so my brain doesn’t explode. Because that would suck. Seriously, I’m thinking it might be time to call up the therapist I saw over the summer. Because the anxiety is kicking in again with a vengeance. And for no reason – nothing has changed, and I had an US just yesterday, ferheavenssake. I’m just paranoid.
I guess it’s because this week is the week of doom and so I’m feeling hypersensitive to anything & everything. Tuesday cannot come soon enough (unless of course, he refuses to feed my crazy-pregnant-lady nerves & wand me.) I just wanna get to 13 weeks. And I rather wish I didn’t have to live through the next 4 weeks, but could just magically skip ahead in time. Hell, it feels like I’ve been pregnant for 6 months already, I don’t see why a little more playing around with Time shouldn’t be allowed…
Off to work, where I’m going to try really hard not to obsess about the week and the day and my history. Lalalalalalalalalalalallaaaaa!
You’re gonna be ok. This one is different. Hugs!
I am still spotting from my internal monday night…it sucks!
I can so relate to the anxiety. You can do this though! You will make it through. Try to think positively. I’ve seen the counselor I saw after my divorce twice since getting pg to help cope with the anxiety. Do what you need to do to make it through. We are all here to support you (and once you get a bit further, the doppler will help. I could get a reading on the digital but it would only stay on for a few seconds) When I hit 13 weeks, I started being able to hear the heartbeat too, which made it much easier to find. If you get a doppler now, I would recommend leaving the probe in the same place for about 10 second before moving it because often I hear the heartbeat for 5 seconds or more before the digital reading pops up.
Big hugs as you make it through these next weeks. I kept telling myself to “believe”. Hugs, Susan!
I hope that this week and the next four fly by. Let the OB know that if you don’t get your wanding when requested that a mob of insane IF blogger bitches will be out with torches and pitchforks. Sending so much love and support and good thoughts for you I could burst.
A counselor could help at least for me, its never hurt if the person is someone good whom you trust.
I *know* how tough the week of doom can be since I had one of my own to get through. Thinking of you and hoping it flies by faster than you fear.
Susan! Hold on. Minute by minute, hour by hour, day by day, you will get to 13 weeks. Having had significant bleeding during my first trimester (with a singleton and never fully understood), I can so relate and empathize. By all means, seek out your therapist to help relieve you of the anxiety. In the meantime, fine a short mantra that you can repeat when you find your mind ‘going there’. And, one other trick I used was the 15 minute rule. I allowed myself 15 mins a day (usually broken down into minute or a couple of minute intervals) of freak out time. Then I would say “STOP!” to myself and I had to let it go. I forced my mind to change the subject.
Just throwing out there some of what I employed. Otherwise, I continue to pull for you and sprogs.
And if a therapist doesn’t work—or doesn’t seem to help relieve the anxiety—have you ever tried a relaxation CD? One with guided imagery or progressive relaxation? Sounds corny, but I am a therapist and swear by those in anxious times.
Yup, trauma’s a bitch. Call the therapist, no reason to hold all this by yourself. Do you want me to mail you some powdered gatoraid? I’m so going to use that when I get pregnant–i was drinking the full strenght stuff, and it wsa the only thing that tasted good and quenched THE THIRST, but a diluted version would make me feel a lot better about what I was doing!
(((((((((((((HUGS)))))))))))))))))
I agree with everyone of your wonderful commenters,
Hope time flies
hope your new OB gets it
and hope you feel you have every right to feel scared even if we all wish it were different and fully expect this time to be devoid of trauma.
Sending love, and hopes for days that just fly by, and reassurance next week please.
(I bet, I just bet our RE would see you between now and then if you need it, please just ask for what you need).
xxox
kate
I’m betting the bleeding will slow now that you are done with the probe and pills in there for the week. I wouldn’t drink gat0rade because apparently it is full of salt! but you drink whatever works for you.
I so understand your fears – I am hardly even registering the beta (next wed) cuz it’s such a tiny blip in the road. Really trying to focus on one day at a time, and we’ll get there girl.
ah susan,
with you. this is so hard. and the time just creeps by. everything you’re feeling is understandable, you know, given everything you’ve gone through. it really really is. if you’d like a referral to someone else, let me know, if you want to see the person you saw before, by all means. whatever it takes to hold onto your sanity. this is REALLY hard.
thinking of you. call if there is anything i can do.
Mo
Saying a prayer and hoping for good things…
These weeks leading up to your recurrent loss threshold are SO, SO hard and you’re doing great. My cervix has been crazy sensitive lately too — after every wanding and sexytime interlude, I’ve had bright red, frequent spotting. I’ve just had to start ignoring it to keep my sanity and so far, so good. Praying that the next 4 weeks fly by for you (and me!) with only great news.
I know that this week will not be easy, but I hope it is as easy as possible. Gather the tools you need — counselor? mail order powered gatorade? extra snuggles with the dog? (I am a strong believer in canine therapy)
Take care of yourself.
hard times but you’ll get there. have faith (religious or not, who cares) x