Stupid observation of the day
So, I try not to get all “my pregnancy experiences are worse than yours” with people, because, let’s face it, I usually win. And part of “letting it go” means keeping my mouth shut when people say stupid things that, granted, they’re probably saying because they don’t know what I’ve been through these last couple of years.
Things like: “Oh, once your baby is here you’re never going to have a full night’s sleep again!”
Or: “OMG, labor sucked so much! I was in so much pain before my epidural! I would never go through that again!”
Or, my personal favorite: “You don’t know, because you don’t have kids, but they really make living worthwhile! If I didn’t have kids I’d just wither up and die!”
Um yeah. Um yeah times four-hundred, because most people have a version of one of the above that they like to utter at really inopportune times.
And usually, I try to take them in stride, because, hey! it means that casual observers don’t know that my world has been shattered several times during the time they’ve known me. Yay for me and my powers of dissembling!
But.
The Romanian Princess, certainly knows what’s been happening with me for the last year & a half or so. She also knows that I had a big scare last week. I know that she knows this, because I wrote her a fairly detailed email so she’d understand why I skipped out of work three hours early last Friday. So how does she greet me this morning? By congratulating me on my twins. Um yeah. “Ooops! I must not have read your email very carefully!” Then she went on to tell me that during her pregnancy, she was calm throughout, just knowing in her soul that everything would be ok with her and with her baby.
How nice for you, lady.
Understand, she also offered this observation after both of my miscarriages that she’s witnessed. Does she think that I’ve lost babies because I’ve been afraid of losing babies? Does she think that hearing a story about her well-rewarded serenity is going to comfort me? Console me in my grief? Why would a person insist on saying something like this (at length) when it’s obvious that her experience is not the norm, nor, specifically, has it been my experience at all.
Can I write it off as a rarely-mentioned pregnancy symptom that all I want to do is smack her when she replays that stupid observation, any time she’s forced to acknowlege that I’m having a difficult time? Because really, I’m not a violent person. Really.
But it would be so satisfying…
I just wonder, how does this princess person of yours manage to walk with her feet constantly in her mouth? I am a visual kind of person, and I just can’t make my mind understand this…
I like. “You should relax. That is why this isn’t working, you are too stressed” Yes it is nice to know I am killing my own children with the stress level that is caused by stupid remarks.
Very satisfyinig…I wonder if there’s a precedent of a temporary insanity defense due to pregnancy hormones? You have a lot more grace than me – I don’t know what I would have said or done, but it wouldn’t have been pretty. Kudos to you for being so strong in the face of such idiocy!
Love,
Maddy
Can I smack her for you? Please? Barring that can we have dinner Tues-Friday of next week? (Will will be out of town). Moxie, alas is in charm school for another week still, learning to piroutte and write her name in cursive.
Mo
uugh!!! you are strong for not smacking her!!
A family member told me something similar the other day. She said, I am what I think, so to be careful. Really? It really made me feel like I did something to warrant the loss of my first born child. And, it made me feel like if I lose this one too, it would be my fault. Stupid, stupid people. And of course, she’s got 3 kids (a set of twins- ugh). I guess I’m glad that I’ll at least never be that ignorant (or so I hope).
Seriously!?!!? I just want to get in my car, drive up there and smack the livin SH** out of her myself. There might be some eye gouging, ass kicking and boot shoving included just for the heck of it. And I’m not a violent person either.
Man, that’s really bloody annoying. Not to mention hurtful. You might mention to her that you’d just prefer not to discuss your pregnancy with her (or her views on it) AT ALL so that she shuts the hell up. Alternatively, I’m going to have to come out there and kick her ass myself.
there should be some sort of little book, maybe you can write it, telling people what not to say (or, frankly, say) to another person whose lost a baby/been infertile/yadda yadda.
a little pamphlet you can give her and other idiots.
that’s pretty bad. she sucks.
i spoke to a friend today that i was very very close with when we worked together. inseparable-like. we had a falling out, unfortunately, but she still knows me in and out.
after i lost my twins she sent a text saying to let her know if i need anything. i didn’t. so i thanked her and haven’t heard from her again in 5 months. i initiated a conversation with her via email and she said she had been thinking about me. on her second reply she said something along the lines of “well if you just relax and stop thinking about it im sure it will happen soon.”
this is a person i saw almost every day of the first three months of my pregnancy, who knows i had IVF and knows why.
i told her that i stopped getting stressed out about it long ago and it’s in the doctor’s hands now. i hope i made my point.
but, man, alyssa’s right..people have no idea.
oh and i had a cousin who said it was a bummer when my twins were born at 5 months. yes, it was a total bummer.
im sorry you know an asshole like this, but the odds are against us. we should just be glad we don’t hear stupid remarks more regularly.
oh one more, there’s the people who responded back “congratulations!” to my husband’s text about losing the girls. they hadn’t read the whole thing.
Ugh. People are stupid.
People say the dumbest things. I get tired of hearing how I must be okay with my children dying since I “got” Bobby and Maya out of it. Really??? You think it’s okay to think that, let alone say it outloud???
a rarely-mentioned pregnancy symptom that all I want to do is smack her
OMG I was the most angry, agressive, short-fused pregnant lady I had ever heard of. Especially around stupid people. It was so much fun because I had an excuse. So do you.