Ok, so it turns out I’m totally in love with feeling this baby move. He’s been waking me up by practicing his kung fu moves, and I think it’s freakin’ adorable. He’s been terrifying the dog when she lies with her head on the raised pillow of my belly, and I think it’s wonderful. I love this part of pregnancy.
The first trimester? It sucked each and every day. Didn’t help that every single week it felt like I was looking forward to a new anniversary of loss and horror. Didn’t help that I was bleeding fairly profusely for the first 11 weeks. Didn’t help that my morning sickness was negligible, or that the steroids and the progesterone had my brain doing cartwheels in the wee hours of the night so I was always sleep-deprived.
And the beginning of the second trimester wasn’t that great either. I just felt fat and like a sucker for believing that I could possibly get a happy ending to this whole adventure. Getting access to a doppler helped some, but it was still one of those “Take it on faith, I’m really pregnant. I promise I am. Really.” feelings. Some days it was hard to convince myself of the truth of those statements.
But since about week 18? Belly’s obviously a baby belly & not a donut belly. Movement is definitely baby jumping around in there and not gas. This last week, when it’s gotten so I can feel the little guy bopping around at the same time each day? This is the best. He’s responding to things, for heaven’s sake – noises and me being startled by the dog. It’s like he’s right here. Right here. Not ‘gonna be here in three or four months’ but here already, just waiting to be done baking.
My ticker says 120 days now, and I hope to keep him in there for every one of those 120 days. But still, we’re talking less than 4 months, now. We’re talking way more than halfway there. We’re talking about a baby, not an embryo, not a fetus. Tomorrow marks the beginning of my 24th week. Viability-week for those of us who obsessively count down to these sorts of milestones. Like me. 16 weeks left of standing in line for this E-ticket ride. I want to be there, at the front of the line NOW, but at the same time? This is great. This moment, with one hand on my belly and a stupid smile on my face every time he moves is just fantastic. Wow. So this is what bliss feels like?