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Small Things 1-11-14

I have found myself reluctant to come here, for a couple of months now, and I think it’s likely that I need to change my blog somewhat.  To focus much more on boring-old-me and much less on adorable Hen.

You see, he’s of an age where privacy is getting more and more important to him.  And while I’ve always tried to be respectful of his physical person–I don’t, for example, post (or really take) unclothed photos of him–& while I would never try to embarrass him, I have to be aware that some of the things I detail about his day-to-day life might be too personal for a boy whose 12-year-old-obnoxious friends will someday be able to hunt this down on the never-dying internet.

And while up to this point, I’ve felt just fine about talking about him in MY life, as his presence relates to MINE, (and because, seriously, if a kid of mine gets his nose out of joint as a teenager because poop was mentioned in a post I wrote when he was three months old, well, he’s going to have WAY BIGGER problems than the embarrassment of knowing that anyone who reads it knows now that he’s merely human!) but these days I’m feeling less comfortable in general with putting him out there when he’s not really able to consent or understand.

And, granted, this blog is probably reaching about 4 people outside of family these days.  Happy, healthy child-rearing doesn’t even come close to the compelling reading that life-draining TTC stories make!  But there it is.  I’m feeling more and more like they’re not really my stories to share anymore.  That since my child is old enough to ask for privacy in the bathroom, and even sometimes when he’s playing alone, that now that he has interests & friendships I am not a part of, that perhaps telling the world about the intimacies of his life at home is just not entirely ok anymore.

Which means I can shut the blog down entirely which I’m oddly loathe to do.  This space saved me in more than one way.  I can honestly say that the community I found here made me much easier with the non-conventional story of Hen’s beginnings, and I am-and-will-always-be deeply, intensely grateful for that.

I might move this away from this being so devotedly a Sprog-Blog though, and towards more of a Mom/Wife/Writer/Gardener/Cook/Craftsperson blog, which, honestly, I’m pretty sure the world has enough of.  Or I can try to specialize a bit more. (Either that or generalize a bit more.)  Do I go more for passing along relevant articles written by others, mostly, that speak to me; or do I try to craft beautiful, thoughtful essays about trying to craft a beautiful, thoughtful life?  I’m not really sure what makes the most sense right now in my life.

I guess I’m really not sure what function this blog serves–except as a way to update important people in our lives on Henry’s day-to-day life.  And, as detailed above, I’m getting less comfy doing that on a public forum.

And making it be more about me might be challenging–and way less compelling.  Because really, my life is happily, contentedly dull on the surface.  Incredibly rewarding for me, but dull nevertheless.  I cook, I clean, I child-mind, I write, I garden, I cook, I clean, I child-mind, I write, I garden…  And the deep need I had for this space when my life was shit simply doesn’t exist anymore.

But I can’t seem to bear the thought of closing it down entirely.  So.

If I change blogs, you all will of course be welcome to read all about the exciting life of a SAHWriterMom, with an emphasis on the ‘mom’.  Henry’ll show up, but it will be general rather than specific, and the photos–always sparse–will become pretty non-existent.  I’ll talk more about meal planning, gardening, preserving, trying to bring us more in touch with local, homegrown food. I’ll talk about gardening until you’re ready to scream.  I’ll probably talk more about crafts, and about trying to find a new exercise regime since toddler-chasing just isn’t cutting it anymore.

I’m certainly going to be taking a bit of time off to think about what I want to change about this space–and I’d love to hear from you all.  How you’ve managed similar transitions in your blogging life, how others you’ve read have handled them, and most importantly what you think–in a general way, of course!–of the issue of children’s privacy as chipped away at by their too-loving parents…

11 comments to Small Things 1-11-14

  • Well…I’m still reading when I see you have a new post up.

    Maybe part of what you’re dealing with too is a question of audience? Do you want a new one, or the old one to follow you, or some combo?

    I want to see what you’re up to…

  • I can understand what you are saying, but I hope to get some Hen updates at times. I have a child the same age and enjoy hearing about someone else’s child’s development. Plus, the TTC and IVF we share in common, so I feel a stronger bond. (Not to mention we both lived in AZ for a while and have since moved to colder, greener, more garden growing locations). I guess I hope you don’t stop sharing your personal life/feelings/views with whatever change you make, although. I completely understand why you are. Best of luck figuring out and deciding what you will do.
    (I’m sure you know, but there is the option of creating another password protected blog if you wanted to share more details to be kept from the hands of General Public on the Internet. That’s one of the reasons I have kept my blog semi-anonymous. Good luck!)

  • I can relate to what you are feeling. I too hope you keep on writing. Though it would be so weird not to hear from you, my friend. Good luck finding the best solution.

  • Anne J

    I too would miss you if you stopped blogging. I’ve been reading you forever (2008? I can’t even remember!) and have shared a similar path; infertility and career hell thankfully turning into the life of a stay at home mum with similar interests. My boys are four and two so also love reading about Hen and your insights in raising him. I also really enjoy your writing style.

    Having said that I do understand and respect your need to step back and think about your blog, your audience and most importantly any potential impact on your family (although in my opinion you are very discreet). I’d love to continue reading in whichever form you choose to continue and I hope we still see snippets of your daily life in your writing.

    I’ve often thought about the impact of blogging/ commenting and in any way leaving thoughts on the internet about my embryos/ babies/children. It’s such a personal thing. Having been born in a time when there was only one way to have a baby it’s impossible for me to imagine how I would feel if I were to stumble across similar comments about my own beginnings and so it’s hard to put myself in my childrens shoes. I do worry less about them coming across ‘embarrassing’ stories of their babyhood (I’d never post anything that mortifying and all kids have similar funny stories in their past). I have however deleted my old blog on TTC, purely because I want to be the one to talk with them about their origins and have the conversations around counting cells in embryo development, what happened to the ones that didn’t make it, how a frozen cycle can lead to a brother created at the same time but two years younger. To me this is the mind blowing stuff that I want to talk through directly with them when they are old enough.

    Anyway sorry to ramble but I find this train of thought and others views on it so interesting. I do hope to continue to follow your journey in some form and if you choose not to post again then very best wishes to you all and thanks for sharing and helping me through my own infertility.

  • Just wanted to say that I am still reading along and will be happy to read whatever you decide to write. I would be careful not to diminish the merits of your life too much. Yes, it may be repetitive but that does not mean that your insights into parenting and writing and cooking are not interesting.

    I have to admit that I also have also found it incredibly hard to post recently both because of our incredible good fortune (15 weeks and going strong) and the fear of acquaintances finding my IF blog. That said, we do have a family photo blog which I update regularly, more as a journal for me and to hopefully print someday for the kids. It has a readership of 2 on average – my mother and mother-in-law but I still find it a worthwhile project.

  • Erin

    I’m reading and love anything you want to write about and also like the concern you show for Henry’s privacy. Will continue to read! Erin

  • Heather

    I completely understand. I have also been reading your blog for years and so enjoy your updates. My son is about 2 months older than H so I love reading about his development and all the charms and challenges that come along with little ones. However, I do understand that thoughts on sharing do change as a child grows up. You have interesting posts so I would keep reading even if you were to change formats. Your garden is incredible, and the crafty updates are fun too. I meant to but don’t think I ever commented….the quilt you made H was amazing. Wow. It’s nice to see you so happy and content after so many frustrating TTC years.

  • Pam

    I found your blog when I was stuck along with you and many of your readers in the land of infertility. I don’t check that list of blogs very often, but I do enjoy checking in to see what everyone is up to. I enjoy your writing style and I share your love of gardening and kitchen experiments and knitting. So, please continue to write. I do enjoy checking in! I have no advice about the child/privacy issue, but appreciate your consideration of how these writings may be a source of angst for him in the future.
    PS My little family is considering a 2week stay in the southwest in May. I remember that you lived there for some time? I would love to hear your suggestion of a town (or towns) to choose as our home-base(s.) We are fairly out-doorsy and are looking to explore a new area and to introduce the kiddos (ages 11and 4 years) to a different culture (food, art, landscape, etc.) I’d really appreciate any suggestions.

  • Cat

    I would miss you if you stopped blogging, but it’s YOUR blog and not up to me. I also enjoy doing all those other things you write about, so I would continue to read because I enjoy your style of writing.

    I do understand your concern for your child’s privacy. I don’t blog, but I do post on facebook a lot of the crazy things my kids do and say. I don’t post anything I think would truly embarrass them later. It’s harder to go back to find things on FB, but it’s still out there. If my statement would just elicit a twelve-year-old’s eyeroll then it’s fair game, but if they’d really be mortified than I keep it to myself and maybe record it in the journal I keep to perhaps share with them later, but perhaps not.

  • Erin

    I would miss you… i too had an infertility journey along with you, and my son was born july of 2010. i enjoy reading about the day to day life with a 3 1/2 year old, because it’s just the same as mine :)

  • There seem to be many of us who, of late, have written similar posts about feeling some degree of blogging flux yet not ready to abandon ship.

    Readers make it fairly easy to keep up so it will really be up to you to decide what you want from your blog writing experience.

    I’m still here and still reading.