1.  Watched The Business of Being Born last night (my first time ever downloading a movie from Netflix – how cool is that service?) and really enjoyed it.  Not so much that it was new info for me, because it wasn’t, but I rather liked the filmed bits showing women actually giving birth at home and getting emotional.  I also – oddly – found it rather wonderful that the filmmaker whose homebirth was going to be a part of the movie ended up being transferred to a hospital for an emergency c-section at 35 weeks or so.  And that became part of the movie, too, which I was pleased about – they actually did balance it out with “and yeah, sometimes a hospital is the only place you’re going to get that kid out with mom & baby still healthy.”  A refreshingly open movie.

2.  After coffee and dog-walk, we’re on our way up to Mass/NH to pick up the Boy and (tomorrow) go look at the farm I have my heart set on living in.  We’ll see if the reality lives up to my daydreams, eh?  So much fun to go looking at a place to live like a normal married couple (I moved into the Boy’s house, which was already furnished and his when I got here.)  Really looking forward to building a home together.

3.  Just downloaded (since I was already on a downloading trend) one of my favorite albums ever – the soundtrack from “Until the End of the World”.  Which is one of my favorite movies ever.

4.  Working away from the ROP yesterday, and now for the foreseeable future, is such a relief I cannot express it adequately.  Sane people.  People who respond appropriately, even to stressful situations.  Ah!  Bliss!

5.  Coconut popsicles.  And an avocado sandwich for dinner (hey, I’m having a hard time gaining weight due to the nighttime nose-puking, so don’t judge me too harshly!)  Also, I bought my first (of many, I’m sure) carton of fresh figs – a treat I’d never had before moving to NYC but am now addicted to.  Summer fruit is the best anyway, but fresh figs?  OMG, they’re the best.

Just a quick note – a few people have commented to me privately now that this is a difficult blog to follow because I’m not on blogspot or any of the other ‘bloggy networks’.  So I just put up a Google Friends Connect, to assist with this – on the right side of the page all the way at the bottom.  There’s also an RSS feed link down on the left side under the baby-widget.  Either one of these should allow you to follow the site via email-digests even if you don’t have an external reader like GoogleReader (which I use to keep track of literally HUNDREDS of blogs, & it works like a dream.)  Any questions, zap me a comment & I’ll try to iron out kinks/do a better job of explaining.

And, hey – thanks for wanting to follow this blog!

I want a sickeningly expensive stroller for Thor.

In my defense (because I do feel like I need a defense) I anticipate using this stroller an awful lot.  For anyone who’s not familiar with the “culture” of Brooklyn/Manhattan, walking is simply how you get places.  I have a car, but I have no idea where, exactly, it’s parked right now.  The Boy handles moving it out of the way of streetcleaners every week, and truly, if we didn’t love this car so much there’d be no reason to keep it – it only gets driven out of town.

Also, since the Boy works at home, at a couple of jobs that require concentration, I anticipate Little Thor & Nellie & I will be walking around the neighborhood rather regularly.  Besides the typical grocery-shopping/dog-walking/errand running that the Boy does the most of right now, we’ll also be walking to get out of the house & away from the WriterMan.  Also to keep me from going stir-crazy.  Also to help me lose the IVF/baby weight.  Also because – well, because I just want one, ok?

The reason this is presenting me with such a tough decision is that besides the fact that it’s the only “gucci” thing I really want for this baby-experience (ie: we’re going for a cheap, simple IKEA gulliver crib for $89 or so, and most of my maternity clothes have been purchased on eBay for <$5), I’m having a helluva time deciding between the two front-runners.  Even though I realize that either one of these strollers would be perfectly adequate (and then some) for wheeling a baby around the city.

But is that good enough for me?  No!  For I have decided to obsess.  So it’s time for another waffling chart!  That I’m going to share with you’all!  Because what could be more fun than listening to me whine about which ridiculously over-engineered stroller I should spend almost an entire paycheck on!

Both strollers cost about the same, though the UppaBaby definitely comes with more “stuff” included.  Both have the features I’m non-negotiable on – baby can face either forward or back, adjustable handlebar to accommodate my 6’4″ husband as well as 5’2″ me.  Sturdy, top rated, all that good stuff.  Everyone agrees these are nice strollers.  But the things that are different between them:

Bugaboo Bee 2010 Pros:

1. Small.  Small and lightweight, with a nicely narrow footprint.  Meaning I can take it inside the greenmarket without blocking passage for everyone else in the greenmarket.
2. Lightweight.  Only 17#!  I’ll be schlepping this + baby + baby gear up and down subway steps (and lots of ‘em) nearly every time I go into Manhattan.  Also folds up smallish, for tossing in the trunk, or stashing out of sight in the house (though I rather suspect it’ll be left unfolded because I’m lazy like that.
3. I feel totally lame for admitting this, but it’s just plain adorable.  I can totally picture Thor in this stroller, and it comes in bright yellow, which is one of my favorite colors for baby gear.
4. Takes the MaxiCosi car seats.  I’m a fan of European safety standards, and these car seats look great and are very highly rated for safety.

Bugaboo Bee 2010 Cons:

1. This year’s model has been completely redesigned to address some sizing issues that other folks have had with BBs in the past.  Initial reports say that Bugaboo did a great job, but  I’m always leery buying the first year’s model of anything.
2. Little wheels.  The sidewalks in Brooklyn are just a bare step above post-apocalyptic.  I don’t want Thor getting shaken baby syndrome every time we go to the store.
3. Bugaboo charges top dollar for every damn little accessory.  $25 for a cup holder?  Oh come on.  You people are already making a Rockefeller fortune off the insanely expensive stroller.  How about throwing in some of the accessories (rain cover, perhaps!) that everyone’s going to need?
4. No bassinet option, even aftermarket.  Not a huge big deal.  The seat lays flat for infants, and it is car-seat compatible, but a bassinet would be really nice – both for strolling and for having in the house as an ‘extra’ place for Thor to sleep.

UPPABaby Vista 2010

1. Big wheels in back for sand (beach!) smoother ride over insane Brooklyn sidewalks, etc.
2. Bassinet is included.  I’m thinking this stroller could double as Thor’s upstairs bassinet for the first few months.  Hell.  Depending on how easily detachable the bassinet really is, it might be his downstairs nighttime bassinet as well.  Throw that sucker on a stand and call it a bed til he’s sleeping more than 2 hours at a stretch.
3. Most accessories I’d want are included, and those that aren’t are priced a little more reasonably than Bugaboo’s products.  Not that it makes sense to quibble over a $10 difference in price when I’m all but selling the farm to buy a fancy stroller, but Bugaboo’s attitude pisses me off more than UPPABaby’s does.
4. Because it’s a bit beefier, it looks like it’d be more comfortable for a toddler.

UPPABaby Vista 2010′s Cons:

1. It’s bigger.  Bigger footprint – especially in width – and bulkier and heavier – like 7# heavier.  Which is a lot.   Or will be a lot when I’m carrying all that stuff.  Plus the whole “taking up more room in stores than I like” thing is going on here.  Smaller is better.  Except when it’s not.  Yeah.
2. Those giant wheels in back look like overkill for 90% of what I’ll be using it for – like I’m taking the kid out four-wheeling.  NYC is an Urban Center, for heaven’s sake.
3. I don’t like the colors it comes in.  Pale yellow.  Khaki.  Actually, the orange is nice, but do I really want my kid’s first vehicle to look like a big pumpkin?  Seems to be tempting Cinderella fate or something…
4. It may or may not take a MaxiCosi car seat.  The website is confusing on this (and can I just say that every website I’ve visited in the Quest for Stroller has sucked?  If I wanted to start up a for-profit website it’d totally be a comparison shopping site for strollers that wasn’t rendered completely useless by fucking animation & frou-frou music and groovy graphic artz.  This is so annoying…)

I’ve heard great things about both strollers, and suppose I really need to dedicate a few hours to irritating the shit out of my local stroller boutique owner by tearing both models apart & really getting to know them for an afternoon.  I am your worst nightmare-customer, lady.  I am pregnant, ungainly, insanely interested in this particular piece of baby gear, and I’m not even likely to make a purchase today to justify the annoyance factor of me.  Bwahahahahah!!!

Sorry, everyone.  Not only did I not post anything today, but I totally didn’t even finish this morning’s Days of Grace.  Everything’s fine, my brain is way more pregnant than I ever thought it would be, and I hope to actually remember to finish posting to the blog tomorrow.

For tonight though?  You know what makes me happy, makes my head spin with gratefulness & all’s-right-with-the-world-ness?

I just signed onto my email account & saw so many people checking in with me to make sure everything was ok.  I still feel like a schmuck, but at least I’m a really lucky schmuck with a ton of really wonderful people who care about me.

Thank you.

And I promise to have entertaining things to whine about tomorrow: ex-wives telling our neighbors about our baby, absent-minded OBs, GD tests (blech!), and the way Thai food tastes on its 5th or 6th belch.  Actually, I might leave that last one to your imagination.  Don’t wanna relive it.  Again.

More tomorrow – yawn! – and sorry about the stupid-brain thing.  I need to check my email more often…

So the middle SD’s new puppy is coming to NYC this afternoon – on an airplane, no less.  She bought it from a breeder in Oregon, and since she can’t be at JFK to pick it up, the Boy is going to collect the dog and bring it to our house so her boyfriend can take it to the vet we use.   And the pet-gear stores we use.  And so that Petunia – for that is the french bulldog’s name – can meet Nellie.  Her Auntie Nellie.

Who would have thought that Middle SD & I would make peace over the common cause of pets?

Not I, that’s for sure.  She’s always claimed to hate my dogs, and yet…  And yet here she is, committing to a dog – a girl from a family that’s never had pets, and the girl least likely to tolerate inconvenience of any kind.  With a dog of her very own.

I am delighted.

Seriously – I’ve been reading all these “compassionate parenting” books and finding almost nothing in there that my parents didn’t do intuitively (and hey – I turned out marvelous, eh?) But one factoid surprised me.  I already knew about the health benefits of growing up around a dog or cat – allergies are reduced, the incidence of asthma is lessened, etc.  But also, apparently, having a pet around is one of the best ways for children to learn empathy and compassion at an early age.  Which makes sense, I guess.  I mean, kids adore dogs.  Nellie can’t go to the squirrel park without toddlers & preschoolers just mobbing her.  She loves the attention and is remarkably patient with the ear-pulling and slobbering (theirs, not hers!) for a dog who’s only there to stare at tree-rodents.

So I’m delighted to be able to give the gift of a good dog to Thor, and in a smaller way, I’m delighted to give the gift of a good baby to Nellie.  She’s going to love having another member of the pack to protect and sleep atop.  Although I suspect that until he’s crawling, she’s not going to want a whole lot to do with him, since  - sadly – snuggling with the baby will have to be an out-of-bounds activity for her til he’s big enough to push her off when she sprawls too heavily.

And I’m delighted that middle SD is giving herself the gift of a housepet.  It’ll be a hassle, making sure Petunia gets walked during the middle of the day while she’s at work, but this is NYC – there are professional dog-walkers a’plenty.  She’ll get frustrated with dog hair on her clothing, and with snorting bulldog sounds at night.  But she’ll also have the amazing satisfaction of a dog welcoming her home every night.  She’ll have the experience of caring for something so totally dependent on her that it makes her want to do good things for this small creature who cannot do them for herself.  And she’ll have a whole new outlook on how people interact with their dogs, and with the humanity of strangers met on the streets of NYC (the world changes when you’re walking a dog.  Everybody smiles…)

Maybe it’s never too late to learn a little empathy and compassion.  Maybe Nellie the Wonder Whippet’s good influence is already having an effect on my family.  Maybe – just maybe – this is the beginning of an entirely new era of relations between the SD & myself.

(Or, maybe two weeks from now the Boy & I are going to be adopting a homeless French Bulldog named Petunia.  You never know.)

1.  The backyard deck is magically appearing before my very eyes.  Very cool.

2.  Annie’s Organic Macaroni & Cheese.  We were talking at work the other day, and one of the Haitian women asked me if it was true that all white Americans love Kraft Mac & Cheese.  I had to agree that yes, yes we did.  She informed me that it’s disgusting, and I agreed that I know that very well, but that it’s nostalgia food.  Plus, you know, creamy and salty and filled with yummy carbohydrates.  Which got me thinking.  And while I’m not willing to sink so low as to buy a box o’ Kraft, the boy’s out of town, and some salty, creamy carbohydrate-y goodness sounded just delicious.  It was.  Raphy will be so horrified when I tell her.  I can’t wait!

3.  Thor kept me awake last night.   Lovely boy, keeping his mama company when she’s home alone.

4.  Watching Buffy (for the umpteenth time) while eating my mac & cheese was just about as close to a perfect home-alone night as I can imagine.

5.  Roses.  Roses everywhere.  Must.  Get to.  Botanical.  Gardens.  this Weekend.

1.  I’m starting to feel ok about the layoff.  Hey – having August & September to do baby-gettin-ready-for things will be sort of cool, plus who wants to be working while hugely pregnant in a non-airconditioned building?  This could be a very nice thing for me, I’m thinking.  Cross stitching 16 hours a day…

2.  My last (I hope!) endocrinologist’s appointment today.  This is a good thing.  He’s a nice enough guy, but I’m getting tired of knowing so many receptionists by name…

3.  Dog slept quite nicely last night without too much kicking, shoving or gouging with her long, long toenails.

We so need a king-sized bed.

4.  The mystery plants growing in my flowerbed do NOT appear to be daisies after all, since they’re pushing 3 feet at this point, with no sign of getting ready to burst into flower.  At this point, I’m keeping ‘em around out of a morbid curiosity, but I’m pretty sure they’re going to take over the backyard (and I have a weakness for aggressive plants.)

5.  Apples in any form don’t seem to be doing much for my acid reflux, but they’re alleviating other unpleasant pregnancy symptoms quite nicely.

Well, this is the week we’ve been dreading.  We’ve been told to expect pink slips at work, which, while definitely a bummer, will also probably work out nicely for me.  Which makes me feel more than a bit guilty.

Library systems can be funded in all sorts of ways.  Many small communities fund their libraries through a tax-percentage.  You know, .000000045% of everyone’s property taxes go to support the library system.  Which is a good system when you have people in the communities willing to vote their approval of, and then hand over, the $1 or $2 a year to work it that way.  My library system – actually all the systems in NYC – are sort of odd in that we have boards of trustees like NFPs, but we are funded on a year-to-year basis via state & city budgets, just like the fire department or the police department.

If you’ve been paying attention to the news for the last few years, you know that NY state is practically broke, but even more than that, our state legislature is completely non-functional.   We still don’t have a state budget in place for FY 2011, which, of course, affects how much money the city will have to allocate to all the services like, say, libraries, firehouses, and police stations.  So, being the Bloomdude that he is, our Mayor just said, “what the hell” and created a budget based on numbers he pulled out of his ass his best guess as to how much cash Albany would likely send downriver.

Oi.  Ouch.  Damn.

We knew it was going to be bad.  I mean, the financial crisis of 2008-09-10 has hit NYC pretty hard for obvious reasons.  Tax revenues are waaaayy down.  Organizations like the one I work for have already implemented cost-saving measures up the wazoo.  We figured we were going to take a hefty cut in funding but that it would be manageable, maybe.  That most of the funding cut would be restored, perhaps, as it usually is (in a burst of cynical political maneuvering, because that’s how it works here.)  But actually, the numbers are even more dire than we’d all been fearing, and our FearlessLeader announced two days ago that we’d be cutting our workstaff by 44% in Fiscal Year 2011 (which begins July 1).  Yes, forty-four percent.  Yesterday he announced that we’d be receiving our lay-off notices this week.

It’s a creepy feeling, waiting to be sacked.

And I know I don’t have it bad at all.  I’ve been at loose ends at work this entire year (as I believe I’ve mentioned here once or twice!)  I’ve been planning on going out on maternity leave at the end of August, and never coming back.  As it stands as of this week, assuming I do get the axe, my last day will be August 15.  And I’ll be eligible to collect unemployment and remain insured under COBRA for quite a while.  And my husband owns our house, and can afford to keep me in the cheap-ass manner to which I am accustomed.

But it’s still weird.  And it’s really going to be hard for my friends who don’t have a support system in place.  And it’s horrific to imagine – what if I were just going through IF treatment NOW.  As it is, the timing couldn’t be nicer for me, but what a difference a year would have made!  Trying to keep my head together through a job loss while going through IVF would have been awful.  I have friends who will have to leave NYC almost immediately.  NYC librarian wages are among the lowest in the country, despite the unbelievably high cost of living here.  No one has any savings.  They’re going to have to find a job elsewhere and hie themselves hence.  Others are looking at moving in with in-laws, taking a few odd jobs to make ends meet.  Maybe going back to school, because if you’re in school, at least you don’t have to pay back student loans…

This is really going to suck.

Meanwhile, the off-color jokes at work continue – if only a LIBRARIAN had noticed smoke coming from the car, we’d have gotten all of our funding restored just like the cops did.  Hey – is it too late to rent an SUV?   Bemoaning our own ineffectual reputation – why doesn’t anyone ever worry about someone going all Library when they get laid off?  Why should the post office get all the glory?

And, being librarians, we research.  We check into COBRA benefits, and we look up hiring statistics in nearby states.  We trade Job list forum addresses, and we wonder out loud if this is the year to concentrate on finding an agent for our novel.  We write down the addresses & home phone numbers of our friends & even our acquaintances, like seniors in the last week of high school, because we know we’re going to be jonesing for some library gossip in another few months, and who knows who’ll be around to provide it?

It’s strange times in the library system.  If you’re in NYC, stop into a branch today and say something nice to someone who works there.  Trust me – we all could use a sympathetic pat on the back today.

1. Sleep, sleep, glorious sleep…. I’m getting lots this weekend and loving it!

2. I had a rather wonderful dream last night, and I’m still basking in it.

3. Beautiful clear day today. I really want to get a walk in, but that might interfere with one of my naps. If it were a little warmer, I’d try to nap outside, but….

4. Tried a new recipe for the first time in a long time last night. Garlic shrimp with asparagus. It was sort of bland, which was a drag, but it was fun to try something new, and it was nice that the Boy doesn’t mind being fed my kitchen experiments every so often.

5. I’m knitting a hermit crab as a part of a baby gift for my friend at work. (Every new baby needs a stuffed hermit crab, don’t you think?) The pattern is from an amigurumi book, and I’m loving the thrill of following bizarro printed directions and coming out at the end with spiral shells and crab legs and antennae. As with so much of life, following knitting patterns (especially odd ones like these) is just a matter of doing one step at a time, and having complete trust that you’re not being led completely astray. Pretty amazing.

So GrandfatherEndocrinologist is unhappy.  Which makes me unhappy.  My thyroid numbers are still inappropriately low & high, signaling a definite case of hyperthyroidism.  However, I’m presenting absolutely no physical symptoms of hyper-t at all.  So he feels like he should medicate me, but he really doesn’t want to medicate me if I’m just weird.  Well we knew that.  Weird is sort of what my body does.

Even my abnormalities cannot present in a normal way.

So more bloodwork, and a full metabolic workup this time, to see if he can figure out what’s going on in my poor body.

If I knew that none of this would affect Thor, I wouldn’t care, but it has me nervous, I have to say.

Grrrr.

Stupid thyroid.