1.  Heading up to NH again tonight after work to look at a whole new slew of houses.  I’m exhausted & dreading another weekend spent away from home (away from my BED!) but it’ll be fun, nevertheless.  And the phrase ‘striking while the metal is hot’ comes to mind, since I never expected the Boy to do anything but drag his heels over the whole ‘let’s move four hours away’ project.  Looking at houses is fun.

2.  The dog braved the a/c last night and crept up into bed with us.  I’ve missed her warm little body curled up next to mine. I certainly sleep better – dog toes in my ribs, and all – when she’s there.

3.  Apple strudel for breakfast.  Not super-sweet, but super-apple-y.  Yum.

4.  Construction out front is almost done – and it looks great.  And was relatively stress-free.  Three cheers for cheap, foreign-born masons who just get jobs done instead of trying to sell you things you don’t need.  $35,000 quote vs. $4000 quote.  Guess which one we went for – and we couldn’t be happier.

5.  My co-workers at the Realm of Pain threw me a baby-shower yesterday and I was touched to the bottom of my bitter little heart.  We typically send a card around to collect money for ‘occasions’ like this, which they did, but they also cooked a big meal, bought one of my favorite Tres Leches cakes from a bakery we all like, and about half the staff also went out and bought special things for Thor – he’s going to be lucky if he gets to wear everything once before he grows out of it.  People came in from other branches they’ve been posted to, people stayed a day later after their transfers went through.  I was in tears practically the whole time, and I don’t recall ever feeling quite so loved and understood by people I work with.  I won’t miss the job, and I certainly won’t miss the ROP atmosphere.  But my co-workers?  I’m gonna miss the hell out of them.

This was a very exciting day for me, mostly because we’re forgoing the traditional ‘how to have a baby’ childbirth class in favor of Hypnobabies coursework, so this was my one chance to be around other preggos and ask questions of an ‘instructor’.  I think the last time I saw a hospital nursery was when my little br0ther was born 35-odd years ago.  I’ve only ever seen labor/delivery rooms on tv.  I figured my ideas might be a little out of date.

Yep.

I knew that I liked this hospital – it’s where Grandpa Endocrinologist has his offices, and it’s where I go every few weeks for another anatomy ultrasound.  Everyone’s very pleasant, and it’s not as scary as some NYC hospitals can be. But still – it’s NYC.  Highest C-section rate anywhere outside of Brazil.  So I had a load of questions to ask.

The tours require no registration, you just show up and one of the lactation consultants gives everyone the schpiel.  Poor woman.  She kept trying to make jokes that were falling on deaf ears and then making jokes about what a bad audience we were.  Finally, another woman there (the only one besides me who wasn’t 20,) said, “Miss, it’s 180*, we’re all 8 or 9 months pregnant, we’re missing our normal dinnertime for this, and we’ve been at work all day.  There’s nothing in this world funny enough to make me laugh right now.”  She got a round of applause and a hearty laugh from everyone there.

But anyway.  Beth Israel is in the process of earning its ‘baby friendly’ designation from UNICEF which mostly involves being extremely pro-breastfeeding and pro-mom/baby bonding.  They’d rather have baby & mom skin to skin than stick the kid in a warmer.  They do not provide pacifiers or sugar water or formula without a medical need.  They have lactation consultants running classes & available for consultation 7 days a week, and they check up with moms a week or so after you leave the hospital – plus you always have access to the consultants if you’re having a hard time.

Which is all very cool.

Although the ward was pretty full, we got to see a semi-private (standard) room, whose crowdedness prompted the Boy  to immediately say, “I’ll pay money for a private room.  We’re definitely going for a private room.”  And there are two levels of private rooms – one is actually called the “super-deluxe” room, with a fridge and a private toilet/shower and a bed for the Boy.  Some of the private rooms don’t actually have private toilets, though, which sort of offends me.  Seems like that’s a place you want immediate access to, 24/7 post-partum?  But there aren’t enough of either to reserve them, you just have to hope that when you go into labor, they’ve had an opening.  Hmmmm.

Other things?  They will allow two ‘birthing companions’ into labor/delivery with you and one can come into a c-section operating room with you.  However, if you use a doula who’s gone through B.I.’s additional training, she can also accompany you into the operating room.  They also host a ‘meet & greet’ for doulas a couple of times a month where you can meet a dozen or so in one place – which is a nice idea, I think.  But whether or not we go that route – yeah, B.I. is pretty into the whole doula-thing,  and they think a natural birth is preferable and should be encouraged.

Which I find encouraging.

We got to walk through all the security measures they take around the babies – double bracelets, lock-down around the elevators/stairs, footprints/fingerprints that get verified all the time.  She asked us all to make a commitment to stop watching made-for-tv baby shows, birthing dramas, etc.  She gave us her email address and very sincerely told us to ask any questions at any time.

On a discouraging note – the only newb0rn in the nursery when we filed by was gigantic.  We’re talking double digits.  He looked like a 3-month-old, honestly.  Scared me into preforming some kegels right there & then.  Dear lord that was a big baby.  Hey Thor!  Listen up!  Momma wants you to be big & healthy, but not TOO big, you hear me?  None of this 14# at birth shit.  Yikes.

On a somewhat scary note, For a few minutes, I honestly thought I was going to be heading right back to B.I. for an exam last night.  It’s beyond hot right now, and humid, and the subways weren’t running on time last night between work & the hospital, which meant standing on a 110* platform for 20 minutes at a time.  And elevators were down at the Lexington Ave. stop, which meant climbing, like, 5 flights of stairs, and by the time I got to the hospital, I was pretty exhausted and really damned hot.

And apparently dehydrated.  Because no sooner had we left the hospital than I started getting more insistent BH contractions than I’ve experienced to date.  These ones almost hurt they were so intense.  And coming way too close together.  I guzzled a liter of ice water from a drug store, and bought another to hold to the veins in my throat/temples on the way home, and once home, I took a cool shower, then laid down and had the Boy turn on the a/c and everything did calm down.  But I felt like it was too close a thing.  I think I have decided to make next week my last week of work – I’m just not cutting it.  I slept for almost 12 hours this morning, and I could fall back asleep right now if I had the opportunity.

The sad thing about this upcoming vacation is that I’m not as psyched about seeing Italy as I am about sleeping in Italy.  My priorities at the moment revolve around getting more sleep.  And staying cool.  And hydrated.

But Thor didn’t seem put out by my raised body temp.  He was kicking and doing flips, performing even when the Boy came over for the show.  He’s been a little quieter this morning, but that’s typical.  I will admit to being more than a little interested in hearing the latest guess on his size at our U/S appointment on Monday.

(Please, Thor.  Don’t make me the one that everyone gasps in pity for at their maternity tour!)

1. Fake cooked Sushi for dinner.  Because it’s cool and high in protein and contains nothing to make my stomach react.  Plus I get to eat it on the couch because it’s one of our favorite eat-in-front-of-the-tv takeout dinners.  And the couch is officially my favorite place in the world.

2.  Feeling much reassured by my hospital tour – more to come on that in a real post.

3.  It’s a little cooler today.  Probably won’t last, but it’s nice for the moment.

4.  The Boy is going to start moving his office out of the room that will become our room so that the baby can have our room.  Which means we’ll be able to buy a crib.  Which means I guess this kid can come just about any time (after, say, September 1) that he feels like arriving!

5.  The manager at the branch I’m currently working at confessed to me that for years now, he’s just been copying my book orders for teens and buying them for his branch as well.  Since this guy used to be a YA librarian, too, I took this as a great compliment and it really made my day – also, even though I’m totally temporary, he’s letting me order additional books for his teen section while I’m there.  Love.  Buying.  Books.

I’ll be the first to admit that I’m starting to get a bit nervous about delivery.  Why?  Because I’m not nervous about delivery and never have been.

Makes no sense?  Well, I also completely dismissed complaints about the discomforts of pregnancy, and you know what?  This ‘creating a human being’ shit is kicking my dimpled, cellulite-ridden ass.

I feel pretty fortunate that the two things that I thought were going to be with me til the end – heartburn & SI pain – have instead been intermittent offenders in the ‘make Sprogblogger miserable’ campaign.  I feel weirdly fortunate that being on supplemental progesterone, steroids, DHEA, whathaveyou, all those months pre-this-pregnancy got me fairly used to having my sleep interrupted.  If this were the first time in my life I was experiencing the joy of trying to function on 4+ hours of sleep a night (and only 2 hours of contiguous sleep) I’d be pretty bummed out.  As it is, at least I know I’ll survive – just not at my best or brightest.

But seriously – the fact that it’s the hottest summer on record in NYC is making it harder, and the fact that I’ve never had much tolerance for heat + humidity.  Seriously, folks, I grew up in a place where summer temps often reached 110*, and 6 months at a time where the temp got over 100* every day was not an uncommon occurrence.  And I always hated people – transplants from humid climes, usually – who’d downplay it, saying, “Well, at least it’s a dry heat!”  But it was.  And humid heat just plain sucks.  Sweating doesn’t help cool you down (which is a shame, because I can sweat up a storm!) and it usually gets hotter after dark, which is just wrong.  And window air conditioners?  Well, they don’t work all that well.  And they’re noisy.  Let’s just say that the most comfortable I get these days is riding the subway, because my belly guarantees me a seat, and the air conditioning is pretty damned effective on the trains.

And it’s harder work moving this body around than I ever thought it would be.  I figured, “Hell!  I’ve gained 25 pounds during ART treatments, and I’m still relatively graceful.  How much different can pregnancy be?”

Hah.

That kid is solid.  Leaning over to grab something from the floor when I’m sitting down?  There’s nowhere for that  baby to go.  So my bend gets halted midway there.  Moving past people?  Besides the fact that I’m paranoid someone’s going to accidentally elbow The Belly or The Boobs, I just don’t move the way I’m used to moving.  In real life, I turn sideways to get through tight places.  Nowadays?  That’s not such an effective maneuver.  And then there’s the waddling.  Now, I’m nowhere near as bad as I was when the pain was at its worst.  But graceful, I am not.  Not unless you think ducks have an attractive walking gait.  My hips simply don’t function the way they always have, and it’s weird, knowing I’m walking so poorly, but being unable to correct myself.

So, it’s obvious to me that I was wrong about how hard pregnancy is.  Which informs me that I’m probably wrong about my vaunted high pain tolerance, as well as my ability to cope with fear and biologically mandated behavior.  Which tells me that no matter how much my brain insists that labor is natural, I’ve helped dozens of goats & sheep & dogs & cats give birth, that this is something I can do without being afraid, a bit of fear has definitely started creeping in.  Because really, if I was this wrong about pregnancy, I’m so going to be screaming for an epidural when labor begins.

1.  My tour of Beth Israel’s Labor & Delivery (& NICU) is tonight and I’m excited.  Rather more so than the Boy, who is maintaining his blase attitude about all things childbearing.  Tell me honestly, city-blogger-buddies – did you/do you plan to call a cab when you’re in labor or spring for the hospital’s valet/parking service?  On the one hand, not being treated to his swervy, “I’m imitating a crazy cab-driver” driving style on the big day might be nice, but on the other, treating an unlucky cab driver to the uncomfortableness of dealing with a backseat passenger who’s in active labor might be horrible.  What’d you do?  (And what this has to do with my hospital tour & why I’m grateful for it, I really don’t know…)

2.  Dinner last night was great.  I really like these folks, and it’s always wonderful to see them – plus, she’s one of the best cooks I know, and dinner was spectacular – grilled salmon.  Yum!

3.  A meeting at the Central branch today to discuss what’s coming up at the library in the next fiscal year.  Not that I have much stake in such things, but it’s time not spent trying to impose order on a room full of kids &/or crazy Russians wearing jaguar-prints and way too many rhinestones.

4.  For whatever reason, the a/c in our bedroom last night really cooled things down.  Usually it puts forth a valiant effort, but doesn’t really accomplish all that much.  I had to turn it down last night.  I liked that.

5.  5 more days of work before the Italy trip and – hoping, here – before my maternity leave takes effect.  Seriously, I’m so exhausted that I’m having fewer guilty feelings and am pretty sure I’m going to simply stop work mid-August when I get back from the trip.  Even crazy Russians apologize to me when I have to stand up and help them with something.  I look poppable, and I feel like I’m going to fall asleep mid-sentence.  I think it might be about time to just get some rest and let this kid finish cooking, as of month 9.

1. I think I have something going on every day from here til the end of the month. This is good because I am getting rather ready to be done with being at work.

2. The a/c is fixed at work. Hating the weather this summer but learning a new love for a/c.

3.  Dinner with friends we don’t see often enough, despite them living just across the street.  Salmon and potato salad – yum!

4.  It was briefly not-too-hot today when I went out for lunch.  It quickly reverted to too-hot, but those few moments of respite reminded me that summer is not going to last forever (or so I sincerely hope.)

5.  I’m re-reading a Pearl S. Buck book I read as a kid and loved – Peony, about the life of a Chinese bondwoman in a household of Jews in the 1800s.  I remember my parents having a ton of Pearl S. Buck books, and that The Good Earth and Peony were my favorites, but if asked, yesterday, I couldn’t have told you that ‘Peony’ was the book I remembered, nor could I have told you much about it.  But a few chapters in and I’m 10 years old again, getting lost in an exotic culture and a fairly staid bit of melancholy romance.  So far the book is nothing like I remember, and yet I remember almost all of it. And I’m enjoying it as much as an experience of memory as I am for the story or the writing itself, but I am enjoying it.

1.  I did, indeed, sleep like a dead thing despite the nightmares about, er, dead things.

2.  A busy week ahead of me, with lots to distract me from the fact that I’d rather be sleeping.

3.  We’ve scheduled showings of 5 more houses we’re online-interested in for next weekend.  Because, really, one cannot pack too much travel into the middle of one’s 8th month of pregnancy.  Seriously, it’s a good thing.  Nicely distracting, plus I’m terrifically encouraged that the Boy is getting so excited about the prospect of moving away from his beloved city.  This just might work…

4.  Had to buy milk & O.J. at a bodega (corner store) this morning, and the sales guy was pretty funny.  Didn’t have a ton of English, but I think he was complimenting my looks, (because bloated & pregnant?  HAWT!) and he was certainly trying to slip chocolate into my bag on the way out.  Now besides the fact that chocolate at 7am has never been at the top of my  Yes! list of foods, I’m on a strict no-chocolate regimen, and reject gifts of food by salesguys on general principle.  But it made me feel good, and that’s always a nice way to start the day.

5.  a/c is my friend.  It’s cool.  It dries the sweat on my forehead.  It’s cool.  It’s cool.

1.  2 months til my official due date.  I’m in my 8th month of pregnancy, no matter how you look at it.  Unless of course, you’re eyeballing me (& therefore guessing at my due date), in which case you’re probably convinced I’m going to pop tonight.

2.  Connecticut wasn’t exactly restful – really damned hot, bed’s too uncomfortable for words, and one of the 5 dogs in the house was nosing its way into the bedroom all during the night.  Got almost no sleep, and I’m more tired now than I was Saturday night after a full week of work, and I have a full week of work ahead of me.  But.  It was lovely to meet the Boy’s aunt.  She brought Thor all kinds of presents from Butler University (The Boy’s last name is Butler, and Thor’s will be, too) – teddy bears wearing “Butler!” sweatshirts.  A onesie with “Butler Baby” writ across the chest.  Way cute.  Beyond thoughtful. Adorable!

Plus, it was her dog who stood up on his hind legs to steal the last of the filet from the sideboard as we were all eating dessert.  Which makes Nellie look exceptionally good.

We laughed a lot and I really enjoyed meeting her and her husband and their two grandkids who were on the road trip with them.  It was a good, if exhausting, day.

zzzzzzzzzzzzzz.

3.  Speaking of filet…

I was a vegetarian for almost 20 years.  For various reasons, when I moved to New York, I started eating meat again.  It’s still not something I go out of my way to eat, but when it’s put in front of me, I’ll eat it happily.  And, as long as I’m eating meat, I want my red meat RED.  We’re talking, still cold in the middle, still mooing, RED.  Which means I haven’t been eating much red meat during this pregnancy.  Even though it sounds really good, because well done beef or lamb?  Blech.  Why bother?

Well.  I’ve mentioned before that my MIL is a domestic goddess, among her other talents.  And so when she cooks a beef filet for 13 people, it’s going to be good – in part because she buys better cuts of meat than anyone I’ve ever met.  She was very disappointed last night because the gigantic hunk of filet she bought & prepared was so unevenly cut that it was hard to get it as uniformly rare as she likes it.  I, of course, was delighted since having a few well done pieces meant I could enjoy it without having to nuke my perfectly-cooked steak.  And this filet?  It was so tender, so deliciously perfect, even cooked til it was brown, that it was wonderful.  I didn’t even miss the sound effects.

Damn, I wish I had another piece of that steak.

4.  I get to sleep tonight in my own bed, and since last night was such a penitential experience, I have every reason to believe that I’ll sleep soundly tonight.  Like maybe even 4 or 5 hours in a row without waking up to pee.  Damn, it’s gonna be nice.

5.  This might be my last full week of work coming up.  I haven’t yet finalized my official “last day” but if I’m still feeling this chronically exhausted by the end of the Italy trip, I will probably try to not go back to work at all.  And right now?  God, that just sounds heavenly.

1. The Boy is still psyched about buying a house out-of-town.   Need I say how happy this makes me?  He is, in fact, going to take care of setting up viewing appointments for next weekend all over NH.  I think we’re really going to do this!

2.  Fridays are always slow at the library.  Don’t know why, but am well & truly grateful.

3.  My dog makes me smile.  She’s so excited for her morning walk these days, so excited for me to take her for a walk.  Dogs are pure happy, you know?

4.  I slept well, if intermittently, last night.  This is a good thing.

5.  The Boy has almost finished a new section of the book he’s been working on for a while.  This means I can read it soon.  Which always makes me happy.

1.  July is half over!  When did this happen?  Wow!  Italy soon!  Baby soon after that!  Wow!

2.  Yesterday did me good.  I think I must have picked up some kind of a 24 hour bug, because although I napped three times yesterday, I didn’t feel yucky the way I did on Tuesday.  And I slept like a log.

3.  The Boy is more excited about househunting than I am.  This is the same Boy who loves Brooklyn at least as much as he loves playing Civilization.  Or eating steak.  Or, well, anything else that isn’t a person.  I think we might head back to NH next weekend to have another look at the Farm, as well as a look at some other properties we’ve stumbled over online.  We spent our normal “Let’s watch some Friends dvds” time searching real estate sites last night.  And he just poked his head in to ask me to send him the listings of my ’5 favorite properties’.  Holy shit, internets – I think we might really end up doing this!

4.  It’s a coffee morning.  Yay, coffee!  And for the dog, it was a squirrel morning.  And a ‘snuggle in bed once the air conditioner was turned off at 6am’ morning.  A good morning, in other words.

5.  One of the old Italian ladies at the bakery where I go for my morning roll on roll-&-coffee mornings was teasing me about my poor planning, being so heavily pregnant during the hottest part of summer.  “That’s what happens when you’re having fun!”  she cackled.  And, for the first time, rather than biting my tongue to keep from saying something inappropriate about injections, donors, surgeries major & minor, I just laughed with her and said “Yeah, well, you know how it is.”  “Honey, do I ever!”  A most satisfying exchange.  Maybe, eventually, I’ll be able to let this infertility go.  Maybe not, but this morning gave me a bit of hope.