1.  Sorry for the radio silence yesterday, I was off DOING A BOOK SIGNING!  Actually, most of what I was doing was driving.  To Gymboree and back, to Albany & back.  Oh, and chasing Henry around a warren-like bookstore complete with cats, gamer-boys, and a handful of very sympathetic fans.  Reading went fine–(for an introvert, I’m remarkably un-worried about talking/reading/speaking in front of people when I know I have their attention, it’s trying to GET their attention that I find stressful.)–and it was good to catch up with some friends we haven’t seen in a while. And Hen slept in the car, and although he woke up when we got home, he fell back asleep and, thanks to DST didn’t wake up until 7:30am!  Yay for DST!

2.  I’m already looking forward to corned beef & cabbage.  Well, at least the corned beef part…

3.  Henry has gotten very insistent on having my whole attention.  No Words With Friends or Scramble permitted while we watch The Lovely Rachel in yet another episode of Baby Signing Time.  Sigh.  It’s cute, but also I know he has to learn to be on his own sometimes.  So I’m trying to help him learn that sometimes he’s not the only thing going on.  But it’s hard for him to wrap his head around, and too, I LIKE hanging out with him, so it’s sometimes hard to be as hard-core as I should be. We’re both working on it…

4.  We had Chinese food the other night that was damned good.  Eggplant in garlic sauce was excellent, Scallion pancakes were crispy/chewy and oniony, LoMein made Henry VERY happy, hot & sour soup was peppery and gelatinous–just the way I like it–and best of all, the portions were so enormous that I’m having it AGAIN tonight.  Chinese food just became a regular on the menu again!  YAY!

5.  The Boy came down with a 24-hour bug and for a change, I DID NOT GET IT.  Not that I wish misery on him, but damn, I’m tired of being the only one getting sick around here.

A question for anyone who might have input on this.  I’m starting to wonder if Hen is a little bit lactose intolerant.  Days after when he has yogurt (which used to be every day until I started limiting him) seem to be days when his diaper is fouller than usual.  He doesn’t seem to get tummyaches (unless he’s actually very very stoic & just doesn’t let me know) but his poo turns the consistency of water.  Could this possibly be the case?  I know yogurt is supposed to solidify stuff, even for kids who are intolerant, but I can’t think what else it would be.  It really does seem pretty obvious, if not for the fact that I can’t find much about kids who get the runs from yogurt.

is this even possible?

1. Last night, the nearly full moon shone through our bathroom window, throwing the maple branches into stark relief against the light. Windy but warm, we slept with the window open just 7 days after a storm that dropped two feet of snow on us. I stood in our dark bathroom and looked out at the night and knew I was exactly where and when I wanted to be, in my life.

2. Hen spoke his first sentence yesterday. Sadly, it wasn’t an example of any kind of deep thought, but rather an announcement of what bodily sensation was claiming his attention at that moment. And the sentence? “Hen toot!” (It really is a boy thing, isn’t it?)

3. Wood stove project is a go! And soon! Like next week!

4. For those who asked, A’s diet is just a low-cal diet, but specifically weighting most of my allotted calories to dinner time so I can still have supper with my family. And, because I have no willpower when faced with options (ie: Do I want grapefruit or dry toast for breakfast? Neither! How about pancakes! Yay pancakes!).

So for breakfast it’s nonfat yogurt & coffee with milk. Mid-morning, or whenever Hen naps, it’s a cup of chai with almond milk. Lunch is dry toast and a fried egg with salsa on top. Afternoon snack is 100 calories’ worth of fruit, pretzels or nuts, and dinner is a small portion of whatever I’m making for dinner. No wine. No dessert. No chocolate.

This is keeping it at 800-1000 calories–hey folks! I know this isn’t healthy long-term eating! Don’t try without a doctor’s permission!–but that’s what my famine-resistant body needs to lose weight. 1200 calorie diets don’t even let me lose a pound a week, and while I lost about 7 pounds last year, it’s exhausting living like that.

So this is a short term fix and it’s working well for me, and the not-having-to-think-about-what/when I’m eating is proving crucial to my happiness. Because having to think about calorie restriction is even worse than restricting calories, in my mind.

5. I love watching Hen fall asleep when he’s both wound up and exhausted. He pretty much goes limp mid-word, which is absolutely adorable. Plus, you know, warm, sleeping baby. Yum.

1. The dog has a parasite.  So why the Happy?  I got an enormous kick out of the vet’s puzzlement over how she picked it up–it’s apparently from eating earthworms and, well, dogs don’t usually do that, so it’s possible that her stool sample just got contaminated by the soil.  I had to explain to her that Nellie has a thing for worms.  Digs them up, rolls on them, tosses them in the air.  I swear she can smell them underground.  She can’t find a piece of food on the floor under our table, but earthworms, she’s all over.  Um, yeah.  If that’s how a critter gets this, then she’s got it.  So now the least outdoorsy dog ever has to be wormed to take care of an infestation usually only found in foxes, coyotes, and other desperate-for-calories-so-they’ll-eat-anything canids.  That’s my girl…

2.  Playgroup is a wonderful thing.  God, it was nice to get Hen out of the house and with other kids.  Been a long week.

3.  The diet is STILL working.  Even with chocolate in the house.  And I haven’t had to stop eating dinner with the Boy & Hen–which has been my main problem with big diets over the years.  Food is important, food is what you do with your family, and I’m not about to deprive my family because I weigh more than I’d like.  (Besides which, my husband is skinny-as-anything and even needs higher-calorie meals than most people.  Rather like Nellie, only without the penchant for snacking on worms.  So there’s no way I’m going to cook bland chicken breasts & salad & expect him to survive the experience, any more than I’d expect Nellie to survive eating a low-cal ration of kibble!)  But this is working.  And I’m not ready to gnaw my own arm off.  And both the scale and my own sense of how things fit are confirming that, yes, it’s working.

A, you are a rock star.  This is the diet I should have been on as soon as I stopped breastfeeding the baby.  This WORKS.  Wow.

4.  The quote for the gas stove/wood stove swap came in at a reasonable number and so we’re DOING IT!  So excited to have a wood stove again, even if it will be a few years before we can trust Hen in the same room with it. I’ve really missed the ritual of building/maintaining a fire, and propane is so expensive that we just haven’t used our wonderful library this winter at all.  Which sucks–it’s the reason we bought this house, after all!  But living in the woods, where wood is cheap and plentiful, we can be a bit profligate with our wood use if necessary in order to keep it at a comfortable temperature so we can actually SIT in there without freezing.  I’m excited because the library is also where my writing office is, so maybe I can start using it more often in wintery weather now that it’ll be warmer than, um, an old dairy barn!  Hard to type with frozen fingers.

5.  Baby slept through the night last night.  Which meant Mama slept through the night.  Baby woke up happy.  Mama had a happy morning.  Baby’s taking a good long nap.  Mama’s getting a lot done during the nice long nap.  There’s a saying ‘Aint no one happy if Mama aint happy’.  But in our house, ‘Baby’ is definitely the deciding person…

1.  Hen’s in a better mood today, despite needing a nap at 10:30.  Those 6:30 wake-ups really take it out of us (and my apologies for whining about the early morning.  If he were waking up at 4:30 I’d be out of my mind with crazy! You have my sympathy & my everlasting respect!) But he’s eating better today, and it makes me wonder if he wasn’t dealing with a little bit of a sniffly bug over these last few days.  Whatever. It’s nice to have smiley baby for a while.

2.  Photos have been requested.  I hear and obey.  Notice the foot in motion? Getting this child to hold still is hard.

3.  Last night as I was frying tortillas in a very hot cast iron pan I noticed that the steam generated from the grilling was blowing the steam–which, in turn, blew the thin layer of oil–away from the center of the pan, so there was a very fine sunburst pattern made by the oil.  Tried to get a photo and failed miserably, but the odd beauty of it made me smile.

4.  Diet is on day #3 and it’s working.  That is, I haven’t ‘cheated’, I haven’t felt like it’s impossible, and I’ve actually seen a slight downward trend on the scale.  A few months of this and I’ll be the new old me.  Which will feel excellent.  I’m tired of not liking how I look.

5.  Today’s a big day in my world because it’s our official book release day!

So here’s my shameless self-promotion.

While I’m already living the perfect (or as perfect as I’d think to hope for) life of a contented SAHM, my post-Hen’s-elementary-school-years-life-plan looks something like this:

Write.

Write Fiction.

Get paid for it.

And in that spirit, I wrote a story for this anthology when Hen was a week old, because, well, what else was there to do?  No really.  The story just tumbled out of me, it was one of the easiest stories I’ve ever written, likely because I was right there, in that headspace.  Which brings up a sincere warning: childbirth, stillbirth, fears of being a bad mother, homesickness, divorce, and, um, Brooklyn feature prominently in the story.  If any of those things make you shudder right now, I totally get it and would like to ask you to stay away from the story, it’s likely to make you twitchy.  But I had a good time writing it, exorcizing some of my demons in the process, and — it’s in print, and I’ve been paid for it!

Now I just need to write and sell approximately one story a week and I’m there!

Seriously, I’m going to stick a link in my sidebar, and I’m going to put a link here, too, because it’s my job to at least make a token effort to sell books, but you don’t have to buy it–you could ask your local library to bring it in for you if it’s not on their shelves (an excellent option!)  Or go hang out at your local B&N for long enough to drink a coffee & read a story…

And if you don't already know my name (I've really been for shit about maintaining anonymity, oh well,) don't worry--you'll figure out which one's mine.  And if you happen to live in Albany, or have a yen to drive to upstate NY, a few of us are reading from our stories at Flights of Fantasy this weekend.  There will likely be pizza. And chocolate--(neither of which I will be indulging in!)

Bonus--my husband also has a story in this anthology and will also be reading this Saturday.  My story is longer, so I made more money, but I'll probably be reading a shorter selection than he will because I'll be chasing Henry around the bookstore and trying to keep him from tormenting the cats.

In all seriousness, there are some wonderful stories in here if you like modern, urban fantasy.  If you decide to look for it, I do hope you enjoy it and I promise not to mention this book again!

I don’t know how many of you have read ‘The Wonder Weeks’–a book that posits that major bouts of clinginess, crying, crankiness, bad sleep, etc. can be tied to mental leaps that kids are making at different times in their first 2 years. Some people dismiss the idea as a crummy way to pigeonhole kids, some people think it’s the bible.  I tend to forget about it for months at a time, until he starts getting cranky and clingy for no good reason(!) and then I look it up again and go “Oh yeah.  Yup.”

We’re at #10.

Sigh.  Everything I ask him to do is a battle unless I distract him by making him laugh.  The answer to every question is ‘no’, even if he really wants something.  (And why can’t ‘Yes’ be a favorite word? Why? Why?) He wants to be in charge of everything–but he also wants constant attention and when he can’t get it, he fusses, fusses, fusses!

Though, incidentally, my strict insistence on politeness is paying off in ONE way–namely when he really wants something (like an audience for coloring, or playing with blocks, or…) he begs with signs and with the word, “Peas?” as well as this adorable, imploring look.  Big brown eyes, doing his best to ask the right way… hard to say no to that, which is something he’s ALSO learning (ie: how to get around Mommy.)

And the glory of a 7:30am wakeup seems to have been lost in the mental shuffle as well.  6:30, and he’s UP.  Naps are still ok, and nights have been ok, save for an habitual 11pm wake up.  But oh dear, I miss my complacent, complying little boy! Mealtimes are a battle now–he wants sweets, but nothing else, and since that aint happening, he’s not eating as much as I’d like him to (even though I know he should start slimming down right about now, it’s still hard to break out of that ‘feed the baby and celebrate each pound gained’ mindset.) We’re still holding onto about 4oz of warm milk before sleep, simply to buy us some peaceful naptimes/bedtimes, but I know I need to get back to getting him off even that.  I just hate that he won’t drink milk any other way.  It’s hard getting him to eat protein of any kind (though he does love loose peanuts–thank heavens he’s not allergic!) He’ll eat some dinners but not all of them–and I can’t necessarily guess which ones he’ll like & which he won’t, though fish seems (*knock wood*) to be a favorite.  But even the dinners he likes aren’t any good if I offer them to him two days in a row!  Sigh.  So I’m letting him feed himself with a spoon more often.  Messy, but it holds his interest where being fed does not (even though I think he actually prefers being fed, it’s boring and he is at a point where he does not like being bored.)

Of course adventurous, chattering boy is fun, too.  He’s learning to open the door, and he LOVES knocking on Daddy’s office door.  He climbs the stairs holding onto the handrail instead of crawling up (yikes!) and he’s a master of standing on boxes/blocks/cushions/books to test his balance.  He’s definitely experimenting with more sounds.  There are times now when I don’t actually know what he’s trying to say (and I used to be able to decipher even his more abstract approximations.)  But he’s trying, and he LOVES the praise when he gets a difficult sound right.

I think it’s also been hard that while this has all been happening in his brain, there’s a ton of snow outside, and Mommy’s been too lazy to put on the snowsuit for what is usually only about 10 minutes of snowtime before he gets tired of the novelty.  It’s too cold for the playground, and this is the library’s ‘break week’.  No one (except us!) showed up to playtime last Thursday, because of the big snowstorm=nasty road conditions, so it’s been a while since his ‘fun things to do’ schedule has been the way he likes it.

But we’re doing ok with all the changes his little brain is exposing him to, and it continues to be fascinating, watching him interact with, react to, and demand change from the world.

Now if I could just get him to sleep past 6:31 we’d be all set…

1. Despite a hard afternoon And the need for a little cuddling to help him back to sleep after a 10 o’clock wake up, Henry slept the whole night through. Which was much appreciated given how challenging the last couple of days have been, was a much needed break.

2. The Boy found a decent Chinese food place nearby. Thank heavens!

3. The diet began today. So far, so good! (I take my dieting victories as often as I can.)

4. The grocery store is a marvelous distractor when baby’s getting stir crazy.

5. 10:55 and the baby’s happily sleeping upstairs. I’m going to make some tea, answer my email, and try to do some writing. Life is good.

1.  So Henry got back from Gymboree all amped up & not ready to nap.  So he chattered to himself for a while, then, out of the blue, he started to scream.  Which is unlike him.  Needless to say, I dashed up the stairs, threw open his door…

Only to find him calmly standing in his crib, holding out his hand to me.  Of course, as soon as he saw me, he stopped shrieking, and very calmly said, “Ha?” Which in Henry-speak means ‘hangnail’.  Sometime in the last few weeks, he decided that every bit of rough fingernail was a ‘hangnail’.  And he really, really doesn’t like hangnails.

I brought the fingernail clippers up, clipped his thumbnail smooth, let him pretend to clip his toenails (through socks, no less, but he’s adamant about having his turn.)  Then he rolled over and went to sleep.

Hangnail.

Ha.

2.  He had a blast today with our guests.  Playing, showing them all his toys, laughing and running, and only crashing into things a few times, (though Daddy did confess that he fell off a 3-foot-tall piece of equipment at Gymboree this morning.    Ah well.  Bumps & bruises are a part of it, especially when you’re as active a critter as Henry.  Still, it was rather nice when he fell asleep this evening.  He had a great day, but Mama had a long day.

3.  I sold another couple of boxes of books today, (and, incidentally, cleared off another few shelves to make room for OUR books) which means my used book habit will continue unabated for a while longer. (I sell these books that belonged to the guy who used to own our house to Powells for store credit.  Wow, do they ever have a fantastic selection.  Wow, do I ever like buying books.  There’s a reason our house has a rather overstocked library…) Oh, also, I finished up a Shutterfly order of photos for grandparents & myself; and ordered Japanese sweet potato starts which are now available at Burpees.  Talk about becoming mainstream overnight!  But yeah, I accomplished lots today. For a nice change.  Feels really good in a tired kind of way.

4.  Henry is Cadbury-egg obsessed.  I mean, it should be no surprise since they are the most perfect food product ever created.  But really.  He’s completely gaga for Cadbury eggs.  They are important enough to him that he learned to say ‘Egg’.  Which should tell you something about the seriousness of his passion…

5.  The Boy is out watching his nephew at a swim meet, and I’m home with a sleeping baby upstairs, a clean kitchen, a tidied playroom, a completed blog post, a plan for tomorrow’s errands/chores/big-project-beginnings.  And now I think I’m headed off to watch an episode of ‘Angel’, do a bit of handwork, and generally decompress from my very. busy. day.

1. Mo over at Life and Love in the Petri Dish had a very good early ultrasound today. I know it’s early and I know horrible shit happens (& to some of us it happens a lot). But still. Good news like this, especially after the craptastic scares she’s been having just makes me think that anything’s possible. So yeah, if you pray, send some good thoughts her way for continued good news. I want Mo over here in the mommy-blogging world, damnit!

2. We’ve got guests over which is always fun. It’s family, and we saw them last week so Hen didn’t need a long time to remember them before he was taking them all over the house to show them where all his baby gear is. I really love watching him forging relationships with the people he loves. He’s also quite the little show off…

3. This snow has been a lot of fun. I even like shoveling ( though I’m happy to have a tall man around to take the snow off the eaves!). It’s put my garden plans back a bit, but I don’t actually mind at all. And it’s still sticking to the trees and branches and bird feeders, so it’s a veritable winter wonderland out there. So very lovely!

4. Carmex, when your lips are really chapped, feels so very good.

5. I got a box of seeds, a pot of pre-planted bulbs, and a book in the mail today. Does life GET any better than that?

1.  Remember me talking about how jazzed I was for springtime, and blah-de-blah-flowers-birds-bunnies-blah-de-blah?

Hah.

It’s SNOWING!  Big snow.  12 inches or so and it just keeps coming down.  I’ve MISSED snow.  This is a whole lot of fun, and I’m loving it.

At least until the power goes out, which I’m anticipating happening any moment now, given how far the tree limbs are bending.

2.  Ok, if Words with Friends is fun, Scramble with (my brother) is even MORE fun.  Possibly because I can, occasionally beat him.  (He crushes me Every. Single. Time. in Words.)  But also, it has a timer! Adrenalin! Wow!  Yeah–I’m a language geek who doesn’t get out enough.  What of it?

3.  I’m officially on the diet.  No more excuses, no more putting it off.  Diet.  I have a vacation in Hawaii and a beach wedding to dress for in the next 6 months.  Also? Tired of not liking the way I look.  So.  I’m putting it out here, and you all can expect to be bored with listening to me natter on about how it’s working out for me.  Sorry, but this is my life right now.

4.  And that said, chai tea with a bit of almond milk to sweeten/mellow is rocking my lo-cal world right now.

5.  Bought the baby snow boots this morning since playgroup was canceled, and they were about half what I was expecting to pay.  Which was nice, since I’d rather been hoping I’d manage to skip the snowboots experience at all this year.  But he’s got them, he doesn’t mind walking in them, and if the snow lets up at all this afternoon, he has big plans with his papa to go out and build a snowman.  I’m charging the battery on my camera now in anticipation…

1.  I love the concept of leap year.  I wish today was my birthday or an anniversary of something–anything–but it’s not.  Shall just have to celebrate calendar-calibration day anyway…

2.  We’re due for a small snowstorm tonight.  ‘Bout time.

3.  Henry slept all night long.  It’s been a rough week for sleep.  This was a very good and much-needed break for me!

4.  He has, however, turned into a huge cuddle-bug.  When we’re watching ‘his show’, he wants to either be in my lap, or with my arm in his lap.  Also, after he gets down from his high chair after dinner? It’s not because he’s done eating, or even because he needs to run around–it’s because he wants to sit in my lap, and have me feed him there.  I know my job is to foster his independence, and I try to encourage him to play and explore on his own, but when he’s feeling cuddly like that? I don’t imagine I will ever push him away.

5.  I received my contributor’s copy of  The Modern Fae’s Guide to Surviving Humanity today, and I’m pretty darned excited by that.  It’s cooler, even, than cashing the check was, and that was pretty fabulously cool.  I’m thinking my first book signing (March 10th at Albany’s Flights of Fantasy bookstore if you can make it!) will be even cooler yet.  Not that I expect people to line up for this, but the editors have had signing parties at this wonderful store before, and if nothing else, it’s a lot of friends getting together, eating pizza and chocolate, and generally having a good time.  I’m looking forward to it.