And the tech not only couldn’t get any blood out of the first vein, but she left a gigantic, swollen bruise where she finally did get a bleeder.  Damnit.   And despite my (rather calm and rational) explanation that she could leave the results on my cell phone, since I know it’s not good news [...]

I’m done.  Mentally, at least, this is my last IVF #3 post.  It’s over.  I won’t test tomorrow or Friday morning.  I’ve convinced even my own pollyanna self.  This one’s done, no use throwing perfectly good HPTs down the drain. I’ve been making up pro/con lists of a donor egg cycle & adoption, and realize [...]

… this is going to be one hell of a period. Goddamnit. Nothing new.  I feel pregnant, even though I’m pretty definitively not pregnant.  There’s no such thing as women’s intuition where PIO is concerned.   Going to spend my evening hunkered down with some Soap DVDs, and maybe a Star Trek episode or two. [...]

Still not-pregnant. Still hate/dread my job. Still wondering how the fuck my life came to this.   Beta isn’t until Friday, but the negative test this morning at 11dp3dt was pretty definitive as far as I’m concerned.  This would be day 1 of a new cycle if I wasn’t injecting progesterone.   I’m absolutely at [...]

I think right now the worst of this is that physically, I still feel so fucking knocked up.  So every time I try to wrap my head around the fact that this cycle didn’t work, I’ll get a whiff of stale refrigerator, or accidentally brush my arm against my swollen tits, or just feel my [...]

Negative HPT.  Again.  As decisively negative as any terrified 16-year-old should ever hope to see.   Nothing took.  Three picture-perfect embryos & not one of them managed to hang on for a week.  Which means they were probably not, actually picture-perfect, but rather of such poor quality that the ones we were able to freeze [...]

…wherein I burst into tears while on the phone with the boy. Who isn’t here, helping me deal with the crazy, but is instead at a writing convention: schmoozing, hanging out with mutual friends, eating out, visiting with his daughter, having a good time (and yes, doing, you know, his job). Not that I’m jealous [...]

…and it’s ugly. I can’t stay away from Google.  “2ww”, “8dp3dt”, “earliest pos hpt”.  It’s an addiction.  I cannot help myself. And it doesn’t help that I’m facing a long day at work with nothing but the internets to entertain(?) me.  I can’t even excuse myself to go into the bathroom and lift my shirt [...]

…lest I jinx my superstitious self, but I feel pregnant.  Smells are too strong, my normally unprepossessing boobs are XXX-worthy, and I’m alternating between nausea and starvation. Nothing’s for sure, obviously.  Hell, I’m only at 7dp3dt here, even I can’t test for another few days without feeling stupid (and wasting a test.)  But I feel [...]

I figured I should do it tonight, even though the boy will be home in another few minutes, since he’ll be up in Boston for the next couple of nights.  Figured if I was going to need to go to an emergency room in the middle of the night with my shot in hand, or [...]